


She's Like The Wind

by neganesque



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blind Character, Character Death, Explicit Language, F/M, Harassment, Sexual Violence, Violence, major fluffy negan, negan is ooc sometimes i guess, wives are ooc for story purposes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-04-18 04:24:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14205003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neganesque/pseuds/neganesque
Summary: You have been blind for over 10 years. During the apocalypse, you use your utmost strength in order to survive while also fending off your mixed feelings for the big bad leader of your community, the Sanctuary.





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Death

“Psst.” A soft but pushy voice filled your ears. You groaned and snuggled deeper into your soft and comforting blankets. “Wake up sleeping beauty!”

“Go away Jesse!” You screeched, grabbing a pillow from behind you and heaving it in his direction. A giggle escaped your lips when you distinctly heard the pillow slam against Jesse’s face. You felt your bed shift slightly as he fell backwards from the blunt force of your throw.

“God damn it!” Jesse groaned, laughing slightly at the end of the sentence. You felt him toss the pillow back to its original position next to you.

“Now that you’re done assaulting me.” His voice said with a teasing tone. “Get your butt out of bed and get dressed. We have guard duty today.”

You sighed in response and nodded. You felt Jesse start to learn forward as he placed a soft and friendly kiss onto your cheek. He stood up from your bed, and you listened to his familiar footsteps pace towards the door. You heard the door open before he stepped out, a soft but audible slam sounding as he closed it behind him. You waited a few minutes until you could no longer hear his footsteps down the hallway, and jumped out of bed.

You and Jesse had been best friends since you were 9 years old. He was your neighbor, and you two instantly connected the second you met. You both spent a lot of time together, and were often in the same class in school. Jesse was and still is your absolute best friend. To you, he was like the brother that you never had. Your best friend had always been there for you. Jesse was by your side when you found out that your mother was diagnosed with cancer. He was by your side after the accident that had changed your life forever.

Many people constantly asked you the story of how you became blind. At first, you absolutely hated telling the story, but you soon realized that you didn’t have to be ashamed of it. You were born with normal eyesight, and you loved to watch the world around you. When you were about 8 years old, your doctor made an extreme note that your eyesight wasn’t in the best condition. You were referred to an Ophthalmologist who prescribed you glasses, but you absolutely despised wearing them.

After your mom would drop you off at school, you would whip your glasses off and shove them into your backpack. You never wore them during school, since you were afraid that you would get constantly made fun of. By not wearing your glasses, your eyesight continued to decline in quality. Surprisingly to you, your parents never found out that you were never wearing them when you were supposed to.

It was when you were 10 years old that your mom sat you down, and told you what had happened to her. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and it had unfortunately been caught at stage four, which meant that it had already started to spread to other parts of her body. At this young, you didn’t understand it, and you didn’t want to believe that your mom was destined to soon die. With reassurance and comfort, you and your parents were able to continue living your lives happily and cherishing every moment that you had with each other.

You had gone completely blind when you were 11 years old. You and your dad were driving home from school. It was a bright and sunny day, and you had woken up that day as happy as you could be. As you and your dad held a conversation about your day at school, a hectic drunk driver lost control of their car, swerving into your lane, and creating a head on collision.

When you had woken up in the hospital, you were confused, angry, upset, and frightened. You screamed at the top of your lungs when you realized that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t see anything around you. Your mother came rushing into the room, calming you down as you sobbed loudly and screamed in agony. It was definitely the most frightening moment of your entire life.

* * *

_“Mom! Please h-help me! Why can’t- Why can’t I see anything?!” Your small voice screamed out, tears trailing down your cheeks rapidly._

_“Baby, it’s okay. Take a deep breath.” Your mom’s comforting voice reassured you, her hand gently brushing your hair back from your forehead. You heard another pair of footsteps enter the room as your mom squeezed your hand tightly._

_“You were in a car accident, dear.” You heard a deep voice say, and you automatically assumed that it was a doctor. “The impact loosened you from your seat, and you were thrown into the windshield. We didn’t think you would make it. You suffered severe head trauma, and due to your extremely poor eyesight, the head trauma unfortunately rendered you blind.”_

_More tears started to flow as your mom leaned down to press a soft kiss to your forehead. You leaned up and wrapped your arms around her tightly, sobbing into her chest. As you continued to cry, a panicking thought came to your mind suddenly._

_"Where’s daddy?” Your voice muttered into your mother’s shirt. You felt her tense up and instantly pulled away from the hug._

_"Honey…” Her voice trailed off, and you immediately knew what it meant. You shook your head and placed your head in your hands. An audible sob racked your body as you shook in fear and anguish._

_"He’s not. He can’t- Dad. He can’t be dead!” You stuttered frantically, letting your mom pull you back into a comforting embrace._

* * *

After your dad died and you became blind, your life changed drastically. You were depressed and angry for quite a while. As you learned new skills, and how to live your new life to the fullest, you realized that being blind actually made you stronger. Your hearing had peaked, and you were able to differentiate people’s footsteps in tune to the sound, intensity, and pacing. Even though you couldn’t physically see, you could make a mental image in your mind whenever you touched something. You weren’t going to let this bring you down, you instead embraced it completely.

Whenever somebody would find out that you were blind, they would instantly bombard you with questions. Do you see complete black darkness? Can you dream and see things? How can you tell what someone looks like? Those are the questions that you heard the most often. Being blind doesn’t mean that you see a complete vast darkness. You just see… nothing. It had always been hard for you to explain to people, so you came up with an analogy that usually worked.

Visualize what it looks like ‘behind’ your head. When you look in front of you, the image you see has a boundary. Your visual field can extend only so far to the sides of your body. If you were to spread your arms, and move your hands behind your back where you couldn’t see them, there would be no color. The space doesn’t look black, it doesn’t look pink, it just simply doesn’t exist.

As for dreaming, you definitely do dream in color and can see images. Since you lost your sight later in life, you had seen the world around you before and could bring it up in your dreams. You often dreamt about your life before you were blind. You dreamt about playing on your front lawn, playing dress up with your mother, and having your weekly tea parties with your father. You dreamt about what the apocalyptic world currently looked like, which usually ended up in you springing up from your sleep in fear.

The last thing you were asked about the most was how you could visualize people. You had also found an easy way to explain this to others as well. If you were to close your eyes and hold a tennis ball tightly in your hand, you might be able to visualize what it might look like based on the feeling of it, the shape, and textures. You may not exactly know, but you could gather some sort of image of what it might possibly look like. This was the same with people. You hadn’t done it on any stranger, but you had with Jesse to try and picture what he might look like currently. It entailed you feeling certain facial features, and concentrating to try and gather an image.

During the beginning of the apocalypse, you fought alongside your mother and Jesse. It was only a few weeks in when your mother had died, not from her cancer, but instead from a walker. Since then, it had been you and Jesse. You and him were both currently in your early 20’s, and had been best friends for over 10 years.

When you both stumbled upon the Sanctuary, you were extremely hesitant. Ultimately, you were both allowed to become a part of the community. Many were reluctant to you, as you expected. However, as time went by, you became an active member of the Sanctuary. You contributed to your new home in any way that you could, and surprised many with how efficient and strong you truly were.

Trotting over to your dresser, you reached your hand up to grab the knob of the top drawer. You opened the drawer, and reached your hand in. As you ran your hands across your shirts, you stopped your motion when your hand brushed across a small circular pin, indicating that it was a white shirt. You pulled it out of the drawer, then quickly grabbed jeans from the bottom drawer. Then, you grabbed fresh underwear and a bra from the middle drawer.

You undressed from your night attire, and quickly slipped on your new undergarments, jeans, and white t shirt. When you first became blind, getting dressed was a horrible struggle. Your mother had learned of and taught you a technique. She had sewn small pins into your shirts, with certain shapes indicating certain shirt colors. This way, you could easily pick out whatever clothes you wanted, all by yourself.

After you had gotten dressed, you carefully slipped on your boots that were resting at the foot of your bed. You stalked towards your bedroom door, reaching your hand out to grasp onto the knob. You opened the door, stepped through, and shut it quietly behind you. Perking up your ears, you followed the familiar path to your guard duty position, and heard no footsteps except for your own.

As you pushed open a set of large doors, you were greeted with a soft breeze and the sharp smell of fresh air. You faintly heard Jesse’s voice from your right, and turned to follow it. As you approached the path of his voice, your hand trailed across a railing. You gripped onto it tightly and walked carefully up the stairs to stand on the landing overlooking the fence of the Sanctuary. You could hear the moans and groans of the walkers below ringing loudly through your ears. You moved to stand next to Jesse and leaned your head on his shoulder for a moment before picking it back up.

You and Jesse had been working on guard duty for a while. You had discovered that your intensified hearing was an extreme advantage. You could easily hear leaves rustling and the quietest footsteps outside of the fence from your spot on the landing. This made for an easy defense of anyone or anything trying to enter the Sanctuary. You really liked this job, because it made you feel useful.

“What do you think happened to Disney World?” Jesse’s voice suddenly rang out in question, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion and laugh slightly.

“Um? What exactly do you mean?” You asked in response.

“Like, what happened? Are the rides still there? Is it still magical? How awesome would it be to go there and be the only ones! You wouldn’t have to wait in line, be stuck in crowds of people.” He elaborated, making you wonder just how much sleep he had gotten that night.

“I am so tired.” Jesse groaned beside you, already answering your silent question and dragging out the last word to emphasize his point.

You giggled at him. “How long did you sleep last night?”

“Um…” Jesse trailed off. “I don’t know… like one hour maybe.”

You reached your hand up to him and patted his cheek slightly. You grabbed his hand and motioned him to sit down on the landing. “You should take a break, try and sleep for at least like 15 minutes. I can keep guard.”

You knew that Jesse trusted you completely, and he desperately needed to get some more shut eye. There was no rebuttal from him as you heard him shuffle behind you. A loud thump sounded through your ears, and you assumed that Jesse had sat and leaned his body gently against the building. You smiled to yourself and continued to listen to the soft sound of the breeze and for any signs of danger.

For a while, it was very calm. The fresh air whipped against your face delicately, and you enjoyed the feeling of the warm sun beating down on your skin. You could hear Jesse’s somewhat loud and steady breathing behind you that told you that he was asleep. Your hands gripped onto the railing in front of you as you started to hear footsteps. They were rapidly fast, close together, and rather light. You had recognized many of the Saviors patterns, and immediately recognized this one as Dwight.

It was a minute or two later that you finally heard his footsteps climbing up the stairs. He stopped on top of the landing and you could hear his heavy breathing. You suddenly reminded yourself of Jesse sleeping soundly behind you, and perked up in concern. Turning your body to face the direction in which the footsteps came, you sighed.

“Why the hell is Jesse asleep? Aren’t you two supposed to be keeping watch?” Dwight’s voice snapped harshly at you, making you grind your teeth together.

“Give him a break. He barely even slept last night, and I’m doing perfectly fine keeping watch on my own. Bye now.” You responded, standing your ground for both you and your best friend.

You didn’t have anything against Dwight, it just appeared to you that he didn’t like you much. A lot of the Saviors didn’t like you actually, but Jesse always reassured you by saying that they were all just jealous of how strong and smart you were. You knew better. They felt worried around a blind person, and often put you down because of it. You did the best you could to ignore them, and go on with your life. You knew that you were better than that.

“Negan will kill him if he finds out he’s sleeping during his job.” Dwight’s voice responded, making you tense up slightly.

You had never been certain of what to think about the leader of the Sanctuary. Negan was demanding, sometimes crude, but you didn’t find yourself completely repulsed by him. He spoke and carried himself with complete confidence, with which he tried to use to intimidate everyone. Many people were afraid of Negan, but you knew that you definitely weren’t. His wives were all extremely rude to you along with many others. You always found yourself wondering why someone would make finding tons of wives their first priority in the apocalypse. You didn’t understand it, and you didn’t care for it one bit.

You were jolted out of your thoughts when you started to hear a set of footsteps that you had come to memorize quite well. They were loud, heavy, and moved at a leisurely pace. When you instantly recognized them, you quickly trotted over to the sound of Jesse’s heavy breathing. You shook him awake gently but frantically and heard him groan in protest.

“Jesse, get up, now.” You demanded in a strict tone, grabbing onto his hand and feeling as he frantically jumped up from his previous position.

You knew that Dwight was still there. You could hear his light breathing and you had never heard him leave. It was only a few moments later when you finally heard the pounding footsteps coming up the stairs. Jesse audibly inhaled a deep breath, and you knew that he had always been frightened of the man currently approaching the scene.

You gently squeezed his hand momentarily in reassurance before dropping it back down to rest beside you, before a familiar deep voice rang through your ears.

_“Here I am, friendly as a fuckless fuck on free fuck day.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work was originally published on my currently inactive tumblr blog. It is not complete, and I will sporadically update it unscheduled, whenever I have the time and motivation to write.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Violence, Harassment

Both you and Jesse stood there in silence as Negan approached the scene. You heard Dwight chuckle lightly under his breath, and you knew that he was heavily debating about ratting on your best friend. Negan’s heavy footsteps ceased and you could guess that he was now only a few feet in front of you and Jesse. You swore that you could practically feel him smirking at the both of you.

“How are my two best guards doing on this fantastic damn day?” Negan’s voice blurted out, and you could sense a slight sarcasm in his careless tone.

“We’re doing fine, thank you.” You immediately spoke up in response with a firm tone. You knew that Jesse was scared, and that any response from him at the moment would be incomprehensible.

“That’s fucking fantastic, angel.” Negan responded, making you shiver slightly in response. You weren’t quite sure why. It was something in his deep and smooth voice that put you on edge, but you still didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

You heard Jesse breathe in deeply and exhale shakily. Negan’s heavy footsteps sounded again as you followed them with your ears. When they ceased, you could conclude that Negan was currently standing directly in front of your best friend. You waited impatiently and listened attentively to jump in at any time necessary.

“Jesse, boy.” Negan drawled out tantalizingly, and you could almost physically feel the fear radiating off of Jesse.

“You got anything you want to fucking tell me?”

Your body tensed as you felt Jesse’s do the same beside you. How could Negan have known that Jesse was asleep? He arrived after you had already woken him up, and Dwight hadn’t told him anything yet. It was slightly terrifying to you, how Negan just knew things. Your best guess had always been that he had worked for the FBI or the police force or something similar, but you weren’t sure. You could heard Dwight continue to chuckle quietly as he watched the scene unfold.

“I- No sir. I don’t.” Jesse mumbled out quietly, his voice staggering.

“He was sleeping.” Dwight suddenly blurted out, his voice laced with satisfaction. He disliked you and Jesse very much, and he would take any opportunity that he had to throw either of you under the bus.

“Hmm.” Negan hummed in realization. “Is that true?”

Before Jesse could open his mouth to respond or blubber an apology, you utilized your instincts and decided to speak up. “He was only asleep for a few minutes. I told him he could, he was exhausted, and I was fine keeping guard by myself.”

After you finished speaking, the atmosphere then fell silent. You could only hear the soft breathing of everyone around you, along with yours. You weren’t scared of Negan’s reaction, you were instead curious. It definitely wasn’t like him to be completely silent for this long, the man loved to talk. You could tell that Jesse was on edge, as you heard the light tap of him shifting his feet slightly. You were jolted from your thoughts when Negan finally started to speak.

“Even though the lovely lady can take care of her damn self…” Negan trailed off, and you heard him step closer to your best friend. “That does not give you permission to fuck off and fail at your job.”

“I’m- I’m sorry sir. It won’t happen again.” Jesse blurted out.

“Good.” Negan responded enthusiastically. You heard a loud whack and assumed that he had not-so-gently patted Jesse on the back. “If it happens again though… I’m whipping out the iron.” Negan whispered the last half of the sentence, but you clearly heard it.

A far away but concerning noise broke your concentration on the current conversation. You turned your head rapidly towards the noise to try and assess it better. It was a few pairs of footsteps, but none that you recognized. You could tell that they were somewhat far away, but could soon be at the fence of the Sanctuary. As you listened more closely, you could hear a distinct shuffling and dragging and instantly knew that it was a few walkers that you were hearing.

“There’s walkers coming.” You spoke nonchalantly. Turning your head back to it’s previous position, you reached your hand out in Jesse’s direction.

“Give me your knife, I’ll get them.” You asked him. It had always been assured that Jesse carried the weapons during your joint guard duty, instead of you. You found it ridiculous, and wished that you were trusted more.

“I’ll get it.” Dwight muttered harshly as you heard the loud clinging of the fence and the groans of the walkers, indicating that they had arrived.

You gritted your teeth as Jesse handed you his knife. You faced towards the position of Dwight’s voice and shook your head.

“I said I’ll get them.”

“Dwight.” Negan’s voice suddenly barked out, making you jump slightly in surprise. “Don’t be a fucking twit and just let her do her damn job.”

You smiled in satisfaction and gripped onto the knife tightly in your hand. You didn’t wait for anyone else to say anything, and moved forward to carefully trot down the stairs. Turning towards your right, you walked along the fence, listening to the groans of the guard walkers stuck there. Your hand trailed across it gently as you reached the opening. You pried it open, stepped in, and shut it behind you.

You were well aware of the eyes piercing into your skull and back as you weaved your way through, using the walkers groans as a guide of where to walk. As you reached the outermost fence, you heard it rattling as the few walkers you had heard coming were shaking it frantically.

You gripped the knife tightly in your hand and raised it up to the fence. Guiding your hand by where the groans were coming from, you raised the knife slightly above it and pierced it through the fence and into its skull. You heard it groan in struggle as you pulled the knife back out, hearing it collapse heavily onto the ground. As another one growled sharply, you repeated the same action, nailing it on the first shot. You repeated the same action with the third and final walker before grasping the knife tightly again and turning back around.

Maneuvering through the same path as before, you reached the opening. You walked through it, shutting it tightly behind you and heading back up the stairs to the landing. You walked past Negan, accidentally brushing against his body gently, making you shiver involuntarily. Reaching your hand out, you handed the knife back to Jesse, with specks of blood still coating it as you hadn’t yet cleaned it off. He took it from your hands, and you knew that he was most likely smiling in satisfaction at what you had just done.

“Well fuck me sideways!” Negan bellowed, and you felt a soft blush rise to your cheeks. “I just might have to promote you, sweetheart. That was some bad-fucking-assery right there. Dwight, you should’ve taken notes.”

You weren’t sure if Negan was praising you because he was actually impressed, or because he just felt sorry for you in some way. However, you did slightly hope that he was actually impressed. It wasn’t a thought that you dwelled on too much as the conversation continued.

“Whatever.” Dwight mumbled out grumpily. You then heard his descending footsteps as he marched down the stairs and off somewhere else. Jesse laughed briefly beside you.

“Remember what the fuck I said.” Negan commanded to Jesse in a strict and firm tone.

You heard him move briefly with a few footsteps. When they stopped, you could feel that he had moved to stand directly in front of you. “I’ll see you around, angel.”

With that, Negan began to walk away, his heavy footsteps climbing down the stairs. You exhaled the breath that you were holding when you finally couldn’t hear them anymore. Jesse laughed in discomfort but also satisfaction at how you had stood up for yourself. You turned to him as he wrapped his arms around you in a soft hug.

* * *

It was a few days later after the sleeping-on-the-job altercation. You awoke that day in a fairly good mood. Your stomach rumbled softly in hunger, but it was enough to motivate you to sprint out of your bed. After you got changed, you left your bedroom and headed for the Sanctuary’s makeshift cafeteria area.

As you walked along, you used the soft chatter of people and the fresh smell of different foods to guide you. You eventually found your way to the large set of doors, pushing them open briskly before walking in. Many different voices filled your ears as your stomach continued to growl at the smell of fresh food. You were about to walk in the direction your stomach wanted you to go, when you were interrupted by Jesse’s voice calling out to you.

“Hey!” Jesse greeted you cheerfully, wrapping his arm loosely around your waist. “Come sit with me and Marie.”

Marie was another Savior, whom your best friend had a very big crush on. They were great friends, but Jesse could just never find the time to make a move. He had asked you multiple times for advice on girls, which usually ended in you laughing at how clueless men really were. You hadn’t really talked to Marie a lot, but you knew that she made your best friend happy, so she was okay in your book.

“Jesse, if I don’t get something to eat right now I’m gonna die.” You responded in a serious tone, listening as he laughed loudly in response.

“Well come sit and I’ll get you some damn food. Geez.” He laughed, making you shove him backwards playfully. He kept his arm around you and guided you to a table.

When you felt your legs gently brush against a hard surface, you stopped. You climbed carefully over to sit on the bench, and rested your hands on the table. Jesse then left you there to go grab some food for you. You heard soft breathing and suddenly remembered that Marie was there.

“Hey, Marie.” You greeted her with a smile.

“Hey! I haven’t talked to you in a while! How have you been?” She responded in a happy tone.

“I’m doing pretty good. How have you been Marie?” You asked her in rebuttal.

“I’m fantastic. Me and Jesse have been getting a lot closer. He’s really great.” Marie sighed in adoration. Before you could open your mouth to say anything, she continued to speak. “So.. I heard what you did a few days ago. Impressed the big man now, didn’t we?” She asked teasingly.

A soft blush rose to your cheeks as you laughed and pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “It wasn’t a big deal. It was just a few walkers.”

Jesse’s voice flooded into your ears before Marie could respond. You heard a small thump in front of you and assumed that he had indeed gotten you food. You found your instincts to be right when the fresh smell of eggs and a citrusy scent of orange filled your senses. You felt Jesse cross his legs over and take a seat next to you on the bench, with Marie across from you.

“Thank you.” You blurted in response, running your hand across the table softly until you reached a fork. You picked it up, stabbed your eggs with it, and started to eat. Jesse laughed beside you and started a conversation with Marie.

For a little while, it was calm as you continued to eat your breakfast. You listened to Jesse and Marie talk about which superhero was the best, and what their favorite rides at Disney World were. You listened to the mindless chatter of the Saviors all around you. Your head perked up when you heard loud, girlish, and frankly annoying giggles. Instantly knowing who they belonged to, you groaned in annoyance.

“Good morning. We’re going to our table, nobody bother us.” A voice said cheerfully. You recognized it as Amber. You heard the distinct clacking of heels as they all walked by your table and to another somewhere behind you.

“Do they annoy you guys as much as they annoy me?” Jesse asked, making you nod in agreement while Marie laughed in response.

You pierced your fork back down to grab another bite of your eggs, when it hit the table instead of the plate. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion until you heard a throaty cackle sound from beside you. Turning your head to the noise, you gritted your teeth in anger. Your best guess was that it was most likely David. He had probably taken your plate, and you wanted to stab him with your fork in that moment. He didn’t care for you at all, and he was a complete and utter asshole.

“Well hello.” He trailed off, his voice confirming to you that it was in fact David.

“Aren’t you glad to see me?” He asked, laughing maniacally. “Oh wait, I forgot.”

“Hey, why don’t you screw off somewhere? Leave her the hell alone.” Jesse growled in defense, and you felt him start to move to stand up. You stopped him by resting your hand on his arm and pulling him back down. The last thing you wanted to do right now was cause a scene.

“Aw, come on.” David trailed off, as he quickly snatched the fork right out of your hand. You heard it pierce into the eggs, and you knew that he was eating your breakfast. You didn’t care about that as much, now you just wanted him to go the hell away. “I’m just poking fun at the blind bitch.”

All that moment needed was a record scratch. You assumed that he expected you to run out crying, but you stayed put and clenched your jaw in anger. You could feel everyone’s eyes on you, waiting for your next move. It made you anxious, but also made you feel empowered. This was an opportunity for you to show how strong and capable you truly were.

“Fuck you.”

“Excuse me there, girly? What did you just say?” David growled out in response.

You then stood up from the bench and swung your legs over. You stood up and faced towards the sound of David’s voice while clenching your fists angrily.

You heard him begin to chuckle loudly before you had a chance to answer. He seemed to be laughing at something only in his mind, which put you on edge. David laughed for a few moments before he responded.

“Hey. Did you know that oranges and eggs improve your eyesight?”

You reached up your clenched fist and swung furiously, feeling it connect brutally with his face. As your fist connected with his face, you heard a slight crack under your hand, making you assume that you had hit him straight in the nose. You heard a loud thump as David landed harshly on the floor. He grunted loudly in pain and you heard him sputter a few curses under his breath.

_“I said, fuck you.”_


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Violence

Everyone in the large cafeteria stood silent. You swore that you could have heard a pin drop. You, a blind woman, had just decked David straight in the face and likely broke his noise. You could feel the eyes of everyone piercing into your back, along with confusion radiating off of them. Jesse was most likely smiling and silently cheering in satisfaction.

“You stupid bitch!” David growled out at you from his position on the floor. You heard shuffling as he stood back up carefully onto his feet. “You probably broke my fucking nose.”

“Whoa!” You heard a deep and familiar voice yell out. A door slammed shut right after, indicating to you that Negan had just arrived.

“What in the fuck is going on here?” Negan bellowed, as his pounding footsteps sounded in your ears. He walked until you heard him stop in between you and David.

“She- She fucking punched me. I didn’t do shit.” David muttered defensively, groaning from the pain that he felt from your punch.

You didn’t respond. Everyone had seen what had happened, and you didn’t feel like talking in that moment. You were still angry, and somewhat upset, although you tried to hide it. It was like high school all over again for you. This happened daily. Your classmates would make fun of you, how you walked, how you ate, and they would belittle and annoy you. You had let it happen then, but you sure as hell weren’t going to let it happen now.

“He’s lying.” Marie’s small voice suddenly perked up, making you jump in surprise. “He was harassing her.”

“No I was not you stupid-” David began to growl out, until he abruptly was cut off. You heard Negan’s hand slam down onto him, presumably his shoulder or chest, effectively silencing him.

You inhaled a deep and calming breath as Negan’s footsteps sounded up again. They were slow and quieter, as you felt and heard him casually strolling to stand in front of you. You could feel just how close Negan was to your body, which made you hold your breath involuntarily. You hoped that he wasn’t feeding into David’s lies, but nobody had ever believed you before. You had been suspended when the principal accused you of lying about being harassed. You had been sent to detention when you threw a pencil at someone being rude to you. Nobody had ever believed you before, and you didn’t expect anyone to now.

It surprised you when you heard Negan bust out laughing in a jaunty tone. “You got a damn good hand on you, angel. A-fucking-mazing.” He laughed, making you bite your lip nervously.

“W-What!? Don’t fucking believe that shit-” David began to protest, but was cut off again. You could only imagine that he was shaking in his boots at a devilish look that Negan was currently giving him.

“Now, David.” Negan started to say, catching everyone’s undivided attention. “I have no fucking doubt in my mind that you were indeed harassing this lovely lady. Don’t give me that bullshit, lying ain’t gonna get you fucking anywhere.”

You heard a few footsteps as Negan made his way closer to David. “Now, listen. I’m gonna let this one time slide since she took care of it herself. But David, if I ever fucking catch you anywhere near her or harassing anyone else again, you’re gonna end up on that fucking fence with a pole so far up your ass you’ll be spitting it out for weeks.”

As Negan finished his mini-speech, you could hear David audibly gulp loudly. You fought back a smile as the scene unfolded. You had stood up for yourself, and Negan had believed you. You felt proud, accomplished, and above all, you felt powerful.

You heard the squeak of David’s shoes and his rapid footsteps as he turned and ran out of the large doors. They slammed shut heavily, and you heard Jesse and Marie start to giggle quietly behind you. You stayed put as you heard Negan’s loud and gradual footsteps approach you again. You twitched at the thought of everyone watching you. It made you feel powerful at first, but now it was starting to make you feel uncomfortable.

You felt Negan lean down closer to you and felt his breath trail over your cheek and neck. You shivered. “Leave your door unlocked.”

At that moment you felt like you would explode. With embarrassment, nervousness, or something else, you weren’t sure. You swallowed harshly as you heard Negan’s chuckle fill your ears. He backed away from you, bellowed a goodbye to everyone and left the room.

What the hell did that mean? Leave your door unlocked? Your mind raced, trying to find an answer, but you couldn’t come up with one. His statement made absolutely no sense to you. Why would you leave your door unlocked? Was he going to come to your room? When would he? Most importantly, why would he?

You were pulled from your thoughts when you heard everyone start to speak again, including Jesse and Marie. Turning back around, you maneuvered yourself to sit back down on the bench at your table. Resting your head in your hands, you sighed and blew a loose strand of hair away from your face.

“That. Was. Awesome!!” Marie screeched, making you lift your head up and laugh nervously.

“Yeah, that asshole finally got what was coming to him.” Jesse responded, chuckling at the end of his sentence.

“What did Negan say to you?” Marie asked suddenly, making you tense up. You certainly couldn’t tell them what he had really said to you. You racked your brain and tried to come up with an alternative as fast as you could.

“He just told me that he was impressed at how I handled it.” You responded. You sighed in relief when they both believed it instantly, and then returned back to their conversation.

As you listened to the regular commotion in the room, your mind continued to race. You had shown how strong you were. You clobbered David effectively, and felt as powerful as you could be in that moment. Then Negan came along and turned you into a frozen, shivering, and confused mess. You didn’t know what to make of Negan, and the obvious effect that he had on you. No matter what, you just didn’t want you to lose your strength and bravery because of it.

* * *

It was later that day when you were in your bedroom, sitting on the side of your bed and twiddling with your thumbs. You plucked nervously at the blanket on your bed, and fiddled with the bottom of your shirt. Standing up from your bed, you paced around for a moment before sitting back down in your original spot.

You had left your door unlocked, like Negan had oddly requested. As you chewed on your bottom lip, you found yourself debating on getting up and locking it or leaving it as it was. There weren’t many rooms in the Sanctuary that had locks, but you were fortunate that yours was one that did. It would make you feel safer to lock your door at night now that David was running around with a likely vengeance. This thought made you want to get up and lock your door even more.

Sighing in disbelief, you reached under your bed and moved your hand around to feel for what you were looking for. When your hand made contact, you pulled out the familiar box and set it on your lap. Inside of it was the few items that you had left from your life before the world went to crap. It comforted you when you felt like you had no control of anything or were downright confused or upset. Right now, you knew that you needed it. It kept you centered, focus, and sane.

Opening the lid, you set it to the side and reached inside of the box. Your hands trailed along your very first pair of glasses, making you chuckle. You reached the chain of a necklace with a heart shaped pendant, which was your mother’s. Your hand trailed across the soft plush of the bunny stuffed animal. Your father had given it to you for your 11th birthday, the last birthday that you had spent with him. You pulled it out of the box and held it tightly to your chest, reveling in the comfort that it gave you. The last thing in the box was a photo, one that you desperately wished you could see. It was a picture of you and your parents, and you wanted nothing more than to see their faces one more time.

You were pulled from your nostalgic trance when you heard distinct footsteps from the end of the hall. You recognized them all too well, and gasped in anxiousness. Quickly standing up from your bed, you placed all of the contents rapidly back inside the box, put the lid on, and shoved it back underneath your bed. You sat back down on your bed and listened intently.

There was no doubt in your mind that it was Negan. His footsteps echoed in a gradual pace. You held your breath as you wondered if he would stop at your door, or keep walking by. Your question was answered when his footsteps stopped directly in front of your door. There was one loud knock, and you muttered a small ‘come in’. The door opened and shut briefly.

You couldn’t believe what was happening at the moment. Negan was in your room. You were in your room alone with Negan. Negan was in your room and you had no idea why he was there or what he wanted. You sat quietly, fiddling with your fingers as you waited for him to finally say something.

“Hello, angel.” Negan’s smooth voice drawled out, making you shiver in nervousness.

“Hi, Negan.” You greeted him softly, standing from your position on your bed and turning to face his voice.

You heard a soft thump and assumed that he had dropped Lucille somewhere. That was another thing that threw you off about Negan. He named his baseball bat, which seemed strange to you. You had always wondered why he did it, and what the name meant. Jesse had described what it had looked like to you, and the fact that it was wrapped in barbed wire. Negan took it everywhere with him, he never put it down, and he had unfortunately used it on many people.

“First of all, again. That was fucking amazing what you did earlier.” Negan started off saying. “He went to see Dr. Carson. You fucking broke his nose. A+ for that, doll.” He congratulated you, making a faint blush rise to your cheeks that you hoped was unnoticeable.

“Uh, did you need something?” You asked him as he finished what he was saying, trying not to sound rude. This entire conversation was putting you on edge. You always felt a slew of emotions among other things when you were around Negan, but you could never decipher them.

“Right.” Negan responded, and you heard his footsteps pace towards you slowly. You could feel him close to you again for the second time that day. “We’re going on a run tomorrow, and I would fucking love if you joined us.”

Your mouth fell open slightly as you let his words soak into your head. It amazed and bewildered you at what Negan was currently asking. For the entire time you’d been at the Sanctuary, your only job had been guard duty. You had never been on runs. You had never gone outside of the Sanctuary, and Negan was offering you an opportunity to do just that.

You couldn’t help yourself as a small smile beamed on your face. It fell softly when you pondered a question. “Why do you want me to go?”

Negan chuckled at your question, making you raise your eyebrows in confusion. The answer seemed to be obvious to him. You stood silent and still, waiting for him to stop his chuckling and finally answer your question.

“Many fucking reasons.” Negan answered you, quickly continuing. “You’re too useful to be stuck on fucking guard duty. You’re good at it, but I did say that I should give you a promotion, didn’t I?” He asked you jauntily.

“Really?” You muttered in disbelief. It had been forever since anybody had noticed your abilities, and even complimented them. This was currently too good to be true.

“Yes, doll.” Negan responded, and you could practically feel a smirk bore into your skin. “You’re strong, and probably a better fighter than most of these fucking idiots here. By the look on your face, I assume nobody has ever told you anything like this before. That’s a damn shame.” He dragged out the last sentence, causing a shiver to course throughout your body again.

“Plus, I want to get to fucking know you better.” Negan finished his speech of explanation, leaning slightly closer to you. “So what do you say, doll?”

“Yes. I’d love to go.” You responded without hesitation. This was a great opportunity for you. You could continue to sharpen your skills and prove to yourself and everyone else just how useful and valuable you were. Another part of you screamed in joy at the fact that Negan wanted to get to know you better, but you nervously pushed that thought aside.

“Fantastic.” Negan sighed in happiness. “Meet us out front by the trucks in the morning.”

You let out the breath that you didn’t realize you were holding as you heard him turn on his heel and swiftly walk towards your door. You heard him grab Lucille as your door opened slightly. He bid a goodbye before he left and shut the door tightly behind him.

_“Until tomorrow, angel.”_


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Violence

It was safe to say that it had taken you a while to actually fall asleep that night. Your thoughts flooded with concerns over a vengeful David, Negan, and the upcoming day. You were both nervous and excited. It had taken a good few hours of lying still and wandering thoughts for you to finally drift off to sleep.

As soon as you woke up that morning, you immediately jumped out of bed. You rushed to change into a new set of clothes, and quickly untangled and brushed your hair. With a deep and calming breath, you muttered the phrase to yourself that had always comforted you. When you would come home crying, or simply felt downright hopeless, your mother always made you repeat this to yourself.

“I am brave. I am strong.” You spoke firmly and proudly. “I am worth it.”

When you had first started saying it to yourself when you were younger, it seemed cliche. Over time, it became useful and actually comforted you. Sometimes in school you would run to the bathroom to say it, and it had always calmed you. Right now, you figured that you needed to say it to reassure yourself that today would be a good day.

After you were ready for the day, you left your bedroom and closed the door shut tightly behind you. You maneuvered your way through the halls, the familiar path leading you to a set of doors that led outside. You pushed them open and stepped outside, immediately noting the warm sun beating down on you. It was nice, not insanely hot, but a nice enough day to be outside.

Your ears perked up when you heard a deep voice fill them. Negan was shouting about something, but you were too entranced to even pick out the words that he was saying. You were so fixed on listening to the smooth sound of his voice that you hadn’t even heard the footsteps creeping up beside you. When a hand landed on your arm, you flinched and jumped wildly in surprise.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry!” Jesse’s voice shouted in concern. He placed his hands on your shoulders to steady you. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare the crap out of you like that.”

You giggled in response. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Good.” Jesse chuckled, dropping his hands from their current position. “What were you so distracted by? You usually hear me coming 20 minutes before I get there.”

 _Oh you know, just melting into a puddle over Negan._ Wait… what. Why did that response just come to you without any hesitation? _Because it’s true._ Ugh, stop!

“Oh.” You mumbled in response, panicking when you couldn’t immediately find an excuse. “Just.. nervous about.. the run.”

“What run?” Jesse asked you in confusion. You sighed in relief at the fact that he believed it.

“I’m going on the run today.” You responded, a small hint of excitement flooding through your veins. “Negan asked me to go.”

At your mention of Negan’s name, you were anxious at how your best friend would react. You pictured him dragging you away from the scene and making you explain everything. You pictured him telling you that it wasn’t safe for you to go. Your fears diminished when he finally spoke up.

“That’s awesome!” Jesse responded, his voice filled with pride. “Now you can really show these people what you’re made of.”

You smiled and laughed in response, nodding your head. The sound of Negan calling out for you filled the air, making you both anxious and excited.

You turned back to Jesse and held your arms out in front of you. He immediately responded by wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. You hung your arms around his neck as you reveled in the comfort that your best friend gave you. This was the first time that you would be going out of the Sanctuary, and the first time that you would be that far apart from Jesse. It did scare you, but you believed that everything would turn out alright.

“I know you can take care of yourself, but please be safe.” Jesse spoke softly, making you nod immediately.

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” You responded when the both of you pulled away from the hug.

With a final goodbye, you left his side and turned on your heels to head in the direction of Negan’s voice. You inhaled a deep breath as you reached him, and heard his voice mixed among many other Saviors. You recognized Dwight, which made you internally groan. You heard Simon and a few others that you also recognized.

“Good morning, angel.” Negan greeted you, and you knew that he was smirking as well. It made you shiver again. “Ready to fucking rock and roll?”

A small smile beamed across your face as you nodded. “Yes I am. Where are we going?”

“Dwight found a small town with a bunch of fucking stores. So, we’re gonna go raid em’ and get some shit.” Negan explained, making you nod your head. It wasn’t the most exciting mission in the world, but it was at least something.

Before you could respond, you heard a voice from your right call out Negan’s name. He sighed gruffly in annoyance. “Hang here, angel.”

You listened to him walk away as you stayed in the same spot. Reaching up, you brushed some hair off of your forehead. You weren’t sure how to feel about the nickname that Negan had unofficially given you. _Angel._ Your first thought was that it made you feel special, but then you questioned if he was just using his charm and actually called every woman that. That thought brought you to think about his wives again, causing you to groan in frustration. You had always felt a deep hatred for them, but now you were trying to figure out why exactly that was.

A voice brought you out of your thoughts. “Hey.” It was Simon.

“Hey, Simon.” You greeted him. He was a Savior that you could actually tolerate. He was nice to you, and that had always been enough for you to be nice to him.

“On behalf of all of us, thank you for knocking Davey on his ass. The dick had it coming.” Simon spoke, making you laugh slightly. Everyone seemed to praise you for what you had done, and you sort of liked it.

“You’re welcome… I guess.” You trailed off, laughing at the end of your sentence.

“You know…” Simon immediately responded, trailing off his sentence, making you both confused and curious.

“Negan has never invited anyone on a run that doesn’t normally go on them.” Simon informed you, making your head snap up. As you soaked in the information, you could hear Negan’s hefty voice and footsteps approaching quickly. “You must be very special.”

“Are we ready to hit the fucking road or what?” Negan asked suddenly as he approached you and Simon. You barely had any time to process what had just been said to you.

“Yep, we’re ready, boss.” Simon assured him, and you heard his footsteps begin to walk away.

“Come on, angel. You’re riding with me.” Negan informed you.

You nodded nervously and followed him closely. When you heard him stop, you stopped as well. You heard a door open and stepped toward it. You felt a hand abruptly brush against yours. Tensing up slightly, you allowed Negan to grab a firm hold of your hand. It was the hand that he didn’t wear a glove on, so you were able to feel his bare skin against yours. You tried not to die of nervousness as he gripped your hand tightly and helped you climb up into the truck. When you settled down in the passengers seat and let go of his hand, you could hear his quiet but still audible chuckle.

The door slammed shut and you let out the breath that you didn’t know you were holding. You felt like a giggly schoolgirl with a crush, and you weren’t quite sure what to think about it. You heard the drivers side door open, as Negan climbed inside. The door slammed shut and you heard a soft thud, which you assumed was him resting Lucille somewhere. The engine started up and you soon felt the rumble of the truck as you headed out onto the road. You could also hear the few other cars full of Saviors that were traveling behind you.

For a few minutes, it was completely silent. You nervously fiddled with your fingers as you waited to see if Negan would say anything. The silence was getting so uncomfortable that you debated on saying absolutely anything just to break it. You would open your mouth to speak, but it would clamp shut immediately.

“You’re awfully quiet over there, angel.” Negan’s voice suddenly drawled out in a teasing tone. Of course you were quiet, you were always extremely on edge around him.

“Oh yeah, uh, sorry.” Smooth, you thought to yourself. “It’s just, strange. I’ve never been outside of the Sanctuary before.”

“There’s a first time for everything.” Negan responded. You could hear the slight suggestive tone behind it, which made a soft blush rise to your cheeks.

“Why don’t you tell me something about yourself, doll? Any fucking thing you can think of.” Negan asked you curiously. You hated talking about yourself, it had never appealed to you.

“Um. Okay, I’ll try.” You responded, which earned a deep and earnest laugh from him. “When I was younger, I wanted to be a doctor. I had a fake doctor kit, and I would practice on my stuffed animals.” You giggled softly, remembering when you pretended to save your penguin from a heart attack. “I told my parents I wanted to go to med school when I was older. I always thought I could do it, but… when I .. when I became blind, it changed my mind.”

After that, it was silent for a few minutes. You worried that you had gotten too emotional with your confession, and sunk slowly back into the passengers seat. You wanted to tuck and roll out of the truck at that very moment.

“I don’t want to fucking pry, but, how did it happen?” Negan asked you after a few minutes of silence. You immediately knew that he was referring to how you became blind.

Inhaling a deep breath, you exhaled it slowly. “A car accident.” You replied simply, not feeling willing to go into any more detail.

Negan seemed to realize your discomfort and didn’t pry on that subject any more. It was silent again for a few more minutes as you listened to the truck drive along on the rough pavement. You could feel the wood of Lucille’s handle brush against your leg. You sighed quietly and wondered exactly when this ride would end.

“That guy you always hang around, Jesse? You know, your guard duty buddy or fucking whatever?” Negan started to say, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Is he your boyfriend?”

At this question, you started to laugh in response. You could practically feel confusion radiating off of Negan as you continued to laugh. You were surprised at the fact that somebody thought you were even dating someone, let alone Jesse.

You’d only had one boyfriend in your entire life, and it was when you were 16 years old. It only lasted about four months before he dumped you for another girl at school. He had told you straight up that your relationship would go nowhere, and that he didn’t want to be tied down to a blind person. He never respected you, and he barely even spent any time with you. After that, you had stopped dating and swore to yourself that you would never get that close to anybody else ever again. It only ever ended poorly for you.

You finally stopped laughing and shook your head, answering Negan’s question. “No, not at all. He’s like my brother, we’ve been friends since we were 9. Plus, he has his eyes on someone.”

There was no response from Negan after that, which confused the hell out of you. Your mind raced with thoughts and ideas as to why he had asked you that. A part of you hoped it was for deeper reasons, but you figured that he was just curious. You and Jesse were usually always together, so you could see how your relationship might be misunderstood by some people.

“And we’re here, fucking finally.” Negan boasted as the truck finally came to a stop.

He turned off the engine and whipped open his door. You felt and heard him grab Lucille before he jumped out, slamming the door behind him. You sighed and pried open your door, not waiting for Negan and carefully jumping out on your own. You quickly shut the door behind you as he finally joined you on your side of the truck.

“Okay, listen up!” Negan bellowed, gathering everyone’s attention. “We’re splitting up into pairs. Keep your guard up, and grab anything fucking useful.” You then heard multiple sets of footsteps trot away as everyone headed off in separate directions.

“Let me guess, you and I are together?” You asked Negan sarcastically, finally able to gain some confidence in your current situation.

“If you fucking say so, angel.” Negan responded teasingly, making you blush briefly before composing yourself.

You heard his footsteps start to walk away, and you quickly followed him. This whole day was turning out to be rather strange. You had never spent this much time with Negan before, and you weren’t sure what to make of it. You weren’t willing to admit it to yourself but so far, you were actually enjoying his company. Even if he made you nervous and fidgety, you somewhat enjoyed being around him.

When you heard his footsteps stop, you stopped in your tracks as well. You heard him bang loudly on something you assumed was a window, and you figured that you had reached a store of some sort. Negan waited a few moments and heard no signs of walkers. You heard him push the door open and step inside. You stepped inside after him and brushed by him briefly as he had held open the door.

“You stay out here and grab stuff, doll. I’ll go look in the back.” Negan briefly spoke. You heard a soft thud and thought that he had maybe rested Lucille on a nearby counter. You shrugged as you listened to his footsteps trudge away from you.

You stretched your hands out slightly in front of you to feel as you walked. Your hand ran across a soft fabric and you picked it up to examine it. You could tell that it was a fabric bag. Grasping the handles in your left hand, you carried the bag with you to store things that you would find. Your right hand worked as your guide now. When it brushed against a shelf, you reached it up to get a feel for what was there. You grinned in success when you felt multiple bottles that could only contain medicine.

As you started to pour the bottles into the fabric bag, you paused. This medicine could help the people at the Sanctuary a lot, but a part of you had stopped to think. You thought about another group or a few people coming into the same store desperate for medicine to save a loved one’s life, and finding nothing. With this horrendous thought lurking in your mind, you only dumped about half of the contents of the shelf into the bag.

You felt your thoughts begin to spiral as the task of collecting items left your mind. You were thinking about what Simon had told you earlier just before you had left. You must be very special. You didn’t believe it. You weren’t special to anyone, let alone you know who. It was a mind boggling idea that you didn’t want to think about, but knew that you would have to eventually. You groaned in frustration and sighed deeply afterwards.

While you were lost deep in your thoughts, you never once heard the shuffling and dragging footsteps approach you. You screeched in surprise when a hand roughly gripped onto your arm. Groans of the dead filled your ears as you pulled yourself briskly away from the walker’s grasp. You had no clue how neither you or Negan had heard or seen this walker, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it. The bag that you were holding fell out of your hand as you heard the bottles of medicine rattle as they toppled around inside of the bag.

Your mind instantly reminded you of what was currently residing on the nearby counter. You carefully but frantically rushed over to the direction of it, your stomach colliding harshly into the counter as you approached it in a frenzy. Your hands reached up and you instantly felt the hard, wooden handle of Lucille. Gripping it tightly in both hands, you picked it up and turned around.

The groans of the walker became more distinct as it neared you once again. You took a few steps to meet it, and raised Lucille slightly above your head. Using the walker’s groans as a guide, you hastily brought the bat down onto it’s head. You heard it topple onto the ground as you had hit your target. Bringing it up slightly again, you repeatedly sent blows with Lucille to the walker’s head. You felt spurts of blood stain your shirt and spots of your skin. About five to eight swings later, there were no more sounds and you knew you had effectively killed it.

Breathing heavily, you continued to hold Lucille in your right hand. You grinned in satisfaction at what you had done. You nearly jumped fifty feet into the air when you heard a steady but rapid clap sound behind you.

“Holy fucking shit.” Negan spoke slowly, as his footsteps approached you on the other side of the counter.

“Oh.. I’m- I’m sorry.” You muttered as you remembered that you were still holding Lucille. You weren’t sure how he would react to that. “It’s just, the walker came and it was.. there.”

Negan’s deep chuckle filled your ears as he stepped closer to you. You felt the smooth leather of his jacket brush against the bare skin of your arm as he stood close to you. “Don’t apologize, angel.” He reassured, leaning down as close to your ear as he could get. “That was hot as fucking hell.”

You stopped yourself from audibly gasping as your body froze in disbelief. Opening your mouth slightly, you were trying to think of what to say to respond to that. In that moment, you must have looked like a blubbering idiot to Negan. Your hand gripped tightly onto Lucille as you swallowed harshly.

The door to the store whipped open rapidly, making you back a few steps away from Negan. You bit your lip in nervousness as your head turned in the direction of the door. You heard a few sets of footsteps as they slowly walked inside the store.

“You guys okay?” It was Simon who spoke up in concern. “We heard a lot of commotion.”

“Yeah.” You responded quietly, answering his question. “It was just a walker.” You finished, lifting Lucille up slightly in Negan’s direction. You felt it leave your hand as he slowly took it back from you.

The ride back to the Sanctuary was even more uncomfortable for you now. Negan barely kept quiet this time, unlike before. He hummed, whistled, tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, and did anything else that he could think of. You tried to ignore the sounds and the fact that he was even sitting next to you.

You couldn’t get out of your mind what Negan had said to you. It confused the ever loving hell out of you. You weren’t sure if he had really even meant it, but the tone of his voice when he said it made you believe that he did. Shaking your head slightly, you tried not to repeat it to yourself over and over again. How was beating the hell out of a walker hot to him? You quickly reminded yourself that Negan had a handful of model-esque wives at his disposal. You were nothing special, despite what Simon had observed and conveyed to you. Negan’s statement was a spur of the moment, and you were constantly convincing yourself that it meant nothing.

Neither of you spoke a word to each other the entire ride back. When you finally reached the Sanctuary, you barely let the truck come to a stop before you jumped out in relief. Right now, you needed to get as far away from Negan as you could. You didn’t help unload the findings, and you didn’t say another word to anyone.

You quickly took off and headed back inside the Sanctuary, ignoring any voices and sounds that you heard along the way. You followed the familiar path back to your bedroom. When you arrived at your door, you heard a familiar voice call out to you.

“Hey.” Marie greeted you, making you frown at the concern in her tone. How long had she been waiting here, and what was she so distraught about?

_“I need to talk to you.”_


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Violence, Harassment, Nightmares, Anxiety

“I need to talk to you.”

“Yeah, of course.” You responded to Marie in confusion. You opened your door and stepped inside, letting her enter as well. You shut the door behind her tightly.

Following her to sit on your bed, you fiddled with your thumbs in anxiousness. You were nervous and confused as to why Marie had been waiting for you at your door. She sounded desperate to talk to you, and your mind instantly went to the worst possible scenarios. Had Jesse gotten hurt? Had she gotten hurt? What had happened that was that drastic while you were gone?

“What’s going on?” You finally asked her, feeling the bed shift slightly as she adjusted her position. “What happened?”

Marie sighed deeply. “A lot.” She responded breathlessly, making you tense. “Negan’s wives were complaining about you. I heard them, they didn’t know I was there. They said a whole bunch of things that I don’t want to repeat.”

For some reason, this didn’t surprise you. You were used to being called names. You were used to being hated. The fact that it was Negan’s wives didn’t surprise you any more. You shrugged your shoulders at Marie’s confession, to make a show that it didn’t matter to you.

“That’s not it.” Marie said bluntly, catching your attention. “David has been telling everyone that you had sex with him.”

In that moment, your hands started to tremble and your heart started to beat faster. You couldn’t comprehend what you were hearing. “What?”

“He said that you went to his room last night and begged for forgiveness for punching him… and you guys had sex.” Marie finished, her voice becoming quieter.

You could feel her eyes bore into you as she watched for your reaction. Placing your head in your hands, you sighed deeply in frustration. You stood up from your bed and paced in a small circle.

“I can’t believe him, that lying son of a bitch!” You shouted in disbelief. “I didn’t! I don’t want anything to do with that asshole. What the hell is his problem?” You ranted.

“Marie, you have to believe me!” You said in desperation, turning to face her direction. You heard her stand up from your bed and move positions to stand in front of you.

“Of course I believe you.” Marie reassured you, making you sigh in relief. “David is a good for nothing asshole.”

“What am I supposed to do, Marie?” You asked her quietly, feeling a wave of hopelessness overcome you. Before she could answer you, another question came to your mind. “How many people did he say that to?”

“I- I’m not sure, but people talk. The wives heard about it too.” Marie answered you solemnly. “Listen, I’ll leave and let you think about it. I’ll help you fix this if you want my help.”

You nodded as you heard her footsteps approach you again. Marie quickly wrapped her arms around you in a tight and comforting hug. You returned it graciously as you needed it in that moment. You were thankful for Marie, and you knew that you had made a good friend in her. It had always been hard for you to make friends, so this came as a surprise to you.

“Come find me if you need me.” Marie murmured into your ear, and then you both pulled away from the hug. You nodded in response and thanked her. You stood still as you heard her footsteps pace behind you. She opened your door, stepped out, and shut it firmly behind her.

You began to feel your eyes swell up, and you knew that you were on the verge of tears. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, you attempted to calm yourself. Trudging over to your bed, you limply tossed yourself onto it and buried your face into one of your few soft pillows. David had spread a completely dirty lie about you, and now the entire Sanctuary probably thought you were some desperate whore. You wondered just how many people had heard this lie, and what the effect on you would be.

It was no use to hold back your feelings as an audible cry left your mouth. You muffled your soft cries into your pillow as your tears dripped onto it. You were completely and utterly lost. You were still confused about Negan and what you felt about him. Now, you were being lied about, talked about, and you didn’t know how you were supposed to face anybody.

By your assumptions and calculations, it was only mid afternoon. You could still feel the heat of the sun streaming into your room. Even though the sun was still up, you were completely exhausted. Not bothering to change your clothes, you settled into your bed and started to doze off. A few stray tears slipped down your cheeks as you succumbed into a deep sleep.

 _A loud banging on your door woke you up from your slumber. Your eyes opened in confusion. You looked out of your window and noted the darkness outside. The banging became louder and more aggressive, causing you to sit up in your bed. You scooted yourself as far back as you could, keeping your eyes trained on the door._

_Suddenly, the door whipped open and slammed against the wall as it did so. Your eyes landed on a dark figure that filled your doorway. Trembling in fear, you jumped out of your bed and backed up to the wall. The figure was completely darkened out, you couldn’t see any features, and had no idea who it really was._

_“You stupid bitch.” A deep and animalistic voice rung out, making your eyes widen in disbelief as you recognized it. It was David._

_David slammed your bedroom door shut behind him, making you flinch. You watched him in hopelessness, as your fear ruled over your confidence. He marched towards you angrily, forcefully gripping onto your arm. You screeched as you looked up at David’s face, but you still weren’t able to see anything._

_With a short motion, he used your arm to throw you against the wall brutally. You wanted to punch him, scratch him, or defend yourself in any way. As your eyes trained on David’s brute figure, you found yourself sobbing and feeling hopeless. There was no way that you could get out of this, and you knew it._

_You leaned against the wall with tears streaming steadily down your face. You watched as David reached his hand up and forcefully punched you right under your eye, the hit tossing you to the ground by the force of it. Gripping the skin beneath your eye in your hand and rubbing it softly, you looked up to see his figure standing over you. Without another thought, you screamed at the top of your lungs, hoping that anybody would hear you._

Your body sprang up from your bed forcefully. Inhaling deeply, you held your head in your hands and tried to catch your breath. The warmth of the morning sun streamed in and softly caressed your skin. You sighed and swept a few stray tears off of the warm skin of your cheeks.

That dream -no-, that nightmare, was one of the worst things you’d ever experienced. You never knew at first when your dreams were only dreams, even with your sight restored in then. They were usually confusing, and like this one, terrifying.

You usually couldn’t visualize people in your dreams that you didn’t like. It was only the people that you had an emotional connection with that you were able to visualize in your dreams. As you thought back on your nightmare, you realized that this is why you couldn’t see David. He was simply a darkened image, with no face. You were sort of thankful that you didn’t actually see him in your nightmare, because the image would certainly have been stuck in your mind forever.

You quickly jumped up from your bed and stretched briefly. You laughed when you realized that you were still in your clothes from yesterday. You had been so physically and emotionally drained that you barely even cared. Walking towards your small dresser, you reached your hand out to feel for the top drawer and opened it.

As you changed into a new outfit, you felt and heard your stomach growl. You didn’t necessarily feel hungry, but you hadn’t eaten anything since the morning before. After changing your clothes and strapping your boots on, you left your bedroom to head to the cafeteria. You followed the familiar path, hearing a few sets of footsteps along the way.

When you finally reached and entered the cafeteria, you shivered in discomfort. The room fell silent, and you could feel the eyes of everyone in it piercing into you. Your breath caught in your throat as you hung your head low. You moved to your right and followed the direction that your nose was leading you. You used the smell of fresh muffins to guide you. You grabbed two of them and used a voice to guide you to the point-keeper. She sighed in annoyance when you stepped in front of her, and you heard the loud tap of a pen on a piece of paper.

“I figured I should tell you that you were given 400 extra points.” The woman, Lisa you believed, informed you nonchalantly.

Your mouth dropped open in disbelief as you began to stutter in confusion. “W-What? How?”

“Listen, honey.” Lisa growled out in annoyance. “Don’t ask me. You should probably be asking the only person who can give or take away points. Goodbye.”

You turned and gripped tightly onto your breakfast, walking at a gradual pace. Negan. He was the only person that had the authority to give people points, or take them away. Four hundred points was a lot, it would last you a few months at least, maybe even more. You didn’t understand why he would give you so many points. You wanted to believe that Negan was impressed with you and your work on the run. However, the pessimistic side of you kicked you in the shin since he probably only did it because he felt bad for you.

As you carefully weaved your way through the tables, you tensed when you heard familiar giggles. You gritted your teeth together and forced yourself to keep walking. You tried to speed up to get past their table faster, but what you heard made you stop dead in your tracks.

“Slut.” One of the wives snarled, giggling loudly after she had said it.

“Did David get you pregnant? I wouldn’t be surprised, a dirty whore like you.”

As much as you wanted to drop your breakfast and lunge at them, you didn’t. You knew you needed to release your anger and frustration, but not in this way. You knew you would get in trouble if you attacked them. You assumed that Negan would be pissed if you did. Sighing when he popped into your thoughts, you kept your head down and continued walking.

You faintly heard Jesse and Marie’s voice among everyone else’s, and sighed in relief. You continued to weave your way through tables and people, to stop at their voices. Feeling a table in front of you, you swung your legs over and sat down. Sighing deeply, you laid your head on the table to try and compose yourself.

“Hey.” Marie’s soft voice spoke out to you, making you wave your hand slightly in greeting.

“How are you doing?” Jesse’s compassionate voice rang out, his hand gently rubbing your back in reassurance. At this question, you knew that he knew as well. You had no doubt in your mind that he would have found out eventually, so you weren’t surprised.

“Oh, great.” You responded sarcastically. “Everyone just thinks I’m some cheap whore who crawled to David and slept with him for forgiveness. Other than that, I’m fine.”

After your reply, they both fell silent. You instantly felt guilty for snapping at them and lifted your head back up. You sat up straight and shook your head, resting your hands under your chin.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized. “It’s just… I don’t know. This is insane and horrible and I don’t know what to do.” You finished rambling, feeling your chin begin to quiver. You held back your tears.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” Jesse replied in a comforting tone. He wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him and causing you to lean your head on his shoulder.

“I really hope Negan follows through and David ends up with a pole up his ass.” Marie chimed in with a giggle, making you laugh and creating a better mood.

“Yeah. If he doesn’t do anything, I sure as hell will. David is a complete douche turtle.” Jesse responded, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“What the hell is a douche turtle?” Marie asked him, laughing loudly in disbelief.

“David.” Jesse responded simply, making everyone laugh once again. This conversation was making you feel somewhat better. You smiled slightly and leaned your head more comfortably against your best friends shoulder.

“Oh look, she’s already working on another one.” A voice chimed up from your left. You tensed up instantly. A few of the wives had come over to your table. “You’re that desperate that you had to move in on your best friend?”

You lifted your head up from Jesse’s shoulder but kept your head facing forward. If you didn’t acknowledge them or react, then they’d leave you alone. It had always worked for you before.

“Frankie, why don’t you go polish your nails and leave her the hell alone?” Marie sparked up in an annoyed tone.

This protest caused them to erupt in loud and annoying giggles. You heard a few mumbles of ‘slut’, ‘whore’, 'desperate’ and a few others. Clenching your jaw in anger, you rapidly swung your legs over the bench and stood up. You listened to their laughs and faced in the direction of them.

“Oh look, isn’t this cute?” Frankie spoke up in a sarcastic tone. You heard the clack of her high heels as she stepped closer to you. “The bitch finally grew some balls.”

At that particular moment, you felt something inside of you snap. You let the anger flow through your veins and begin to take advantage of your actions. Reaching your hand out, you whipped it with an open palm as fast as you could against Frankie’s cheek. The loud slap echoed throughout the large room. You heard her stumble back as the other wives gasped, and you imagined that they were holding on to her.

Once again, you felt everyone’s eyes on you. You heard gasps come from many people, including Jesse and Marie. The atmosphere became tense, as you had stood your ground once again. You weren’t going to take this anymore. You needed to prove it to both them and yourself.

“You’re gonna pay for that.” One of the wives, Amber, growled at you. You heard Frankie’s whimpers of pain but felt no remorse. “We’re telling Negan what you did.”

At the mention of his name, your body sunk into itself as you tensed up involuntarily. That was when you regretted what you had just done. Surely Negan would punish you for this, and you found your mind spinning at the possibilities. He would most likely take away the points that he randomly gave you anyway. You didn’t let your mind wander to anything worse than that.

Ignoring everything and everyone around you, you carefully maneuvered around them and walked in the direction of the door. When your hands hit the large doors, you forcefully shoved them open and stepped out. They slammed heavily behind you as you followed your routine path back to your bedroom. You didn’t encounter any footsteps, and you were quite thankful for that. If anybody tried to talk to you at that moment, you might’ve exploded.

You didn’t know how you were going to come back from this. David was spreading horrendous lies, and everybody believed it. The wives were continuing to harass you, while most people stepped on eggshells around you as if you were a ticking time bomb. Above it all, you were still completely and utterly confused about Negan. You didn’t know how you felt about him. Your thoughts and emotions were all over the place, and you kept reminding yourself that you would have to figure them out eventually.

When you reached your door, you sighed in relief. You only barely touched the doorknob before you were stopped. A rough hand pulled at your arm, effectively tugging you away from the door. You never heard any footsteps, and imagined that whoever it was had been waiting by your door for a while. A hand covered your mouth as you were about to screech. You kicked your feet frantically as you were roughly dragged down the hallway. You cried out in fear as you finally realized who it was. David.

He stopped dragging you, but kept his hand tightly latched onto your mouth. You heard a door being opened and you were roughly shoved inside. The door shut with a slam, and you heard David’s heavy breathing fill the air. You assumed that he had dragged you into one of the cells that the Sanctuary used for prisoners, since they were close to your room. You found your assumption to be correct when you backed up only a few steps and your back hit a wall.

Tears fell from your eyes as your hands shook in fear and anxiety.

_“You fucked up, big time.”_


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Violence, Attempted Rape (please pay caution)

“You fucked up, big time.”

It would be an understatement to say that you were utterly terrified. You’d been viciously dragged down a hallway and shoved into a dark cell where probably nobody could hear you. Suddenly, your past fears of a vengeful David didn’t seem so irrational anymore. He was definitely out for revenge, which he had accomplished by spreading that lie. Now, it seemed like he was still attempting to get one on one revenge on you.

Your back was pressed tightly against the wall as you willed yourself to not cry. No matter how much danger you were in, you wouldn’t allow him any satisfaction in seeing you weak. Standing up straighter, you kept a straight face and attempted to calm your breathing. You heard David’s footsteps start up, and he slowly walked forward just a few paces.

“You really thought that you could humiliate me in front of everyone and fucking get away with it?” David growled out at you, making you swallow harshly.

“David, leave me the hell alone. I wouldn’t have punched you if you weren’t constantly harassing me.” You responded, satisfied at the confident and firm tone that you emitted. “Besides, you already got your damn revenge on me.” You finished, referring to the lie that he had spread.

You then heard David’s loud laugh in response, and a few more footsteps. “Oh no..” He trailed off. “That was nothing. You need to be punished.”

Your breath caught in your throat at his animalistic tone. This was exactly like your nightmare, except it was now reality. With your best effort, you attempted to formulate a plan to get away from David. If you could distract him, or punch him, then you’d be able to get out of the door and find someone. This plan was dropped from your mind as you heard David start to lunge at you.

A screech left your mouth as you quickly moved to the right. He followed you, and you used his footsteps as a guide to lift your leg up and forcefully kick him in the shin. You heard David groan in pain and used this as your opportunity. You sprinted to the door and frantically moved your hand to find the handle. When your hand reached it, you sighed in relief and began to push the heavy door open.

This easy getaway instantly proved too good to be true. You had only pushed the door open slightly when you felt David roughly grab you by the waist. You yelped and kicked forcefully as he covered your mouth with his rough hand. Your noises of protest and struggle were muffled under his hand. He rapidly shoved you against the wall again, and latched his hand tightly around your throat.

A struggled gasp left your mouth as you lost all power in the situation. David’s hand was becoming tighter around your throat, causing you to sputter out small sounds of struggle. You felt yourself start to get lightheaded as you tried to grasp any control of the situation. He was actually trying to choke you to death, and you started to panic at the realization.

“You stupid bitch.” David growled in your face, slamming your head harshly back into the wall while still keeping a hold on your throat.

As you felt your air supply diminishing and your strength disappearing, your thoughts ran wild. You were not going to go out like this. You were stronger than that. You did the best you could to pull together any strength that you had left.

You lifted your knee up and forcefully rammed it into David, making him instantly let go of your throat. Using this advantage, you listened to his groans of pain and directed your head to slam into his, effectively head butting him. David landed on the floor with a loud thud. You reached your hand up to hold onto your throbbing head, feeling a light trickle of blood drip down your forehead. He had unfortunately landed directly in front of the door, so this action didn’t give you the escape that you had hoped for.

As you listened to his groans of pain, you backed up into the corner and sunk into yourself. You were proud of what you had just done, but you were afraid that it would only make him angrier. You hoped that somebody nearby would hear the commotion, and come to the cell. David let out one loud groan of pain, and then you heard him start to stand up. Your hands shook as his footsteps approached you again frantically.

You shuddered in fear when he pressed himself up against you. “That was very fucking stupid of you.” David snarled in your ear. You tensed up as a few tears involuntarily slipped from your eyes.

“You know….” He trailed off, slowly trailing a finger down your cheek. You grimaced and whipped your head away from his hand. “You may be fucking annoying, but you’re not completely hideous.”

Tears began to rapidly pour from eyes at that moment. You screeched and tried to push him away from you, but to no success. David forcefully shoved you up against the wall with a growl. You flailed your legs and tried to hit him with your fists anywhere that you could. Your movements were frantic as you became more panicked. There was no way that you were going to let this happen.

David suddenly pulled you away from your spot in the corner. Before you could do anything, he grabbed you by your arms and forcefully tossed you down onto the ground. This horrendous situation began to become more real to you as you felt David’s body over yours. Tears fell from your eyes like a waterfall as you pushed, scratched, and kicked against him. He quickly blocked all of your defenses, as he knelt over you.

“Don’t struggle. It will just make it worse.” David said tauntingly into your ear, making you cry out loud.

His hands latched onto your shirt and started to tear it. You heard the fabric rip slightly and then felt David’s hands move to your jeans. You kicked him in the shin and knee a few times, but he continued his assault. You began to struggle more and did the only thing that you could think of to do in that moment. You opened your mouth and screamed at the top of your lungs.

This was something that he did not take lightly. Your head was slammed onto the hard floor as David yelled harsh and brutal words at you. His hands were trying to tug on your jeans but you did your best to force him away. It was at that exact moment that you heard the door whip open rapidly. Somebody had heard you.

You didn’t know who it was yet, but you were more than relieved. You were still lying on the cold floor as you heard David scramble to his feet. It took you a minute to recollect, but you eventually sat up. You turned around and quickly crawled to the corner of the cell, an audible sob leaving your mouth. You held your head in your knees as you waited for what was to come.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” A deep and familiar voice rang out in pure anger. It was Negan. You instantly sighed in relief as you felt a wave of security overcome you.

“Negan- Sir-” David stuttered out, only to instantly be cut off.

“Do you really fucking think I need you to answer that?” Negan replied with sarcasm, extreme anger still present in his tone.

“I can see that you were trying to fucking rape this woman.” He continued, making you wince in discomfort at the phrase. You buried your head further into your knees as you continued to listen. “You were trying to rape this woman, weren’t you?”

This was a question from Negan, but David didn’t respond. You could almost feel the fear radiating off of him, and you were satisfied. You wanted nothing more than to jump up from your spot and kill David right then and there. However, your lingering fear and anxiety held you back as you continued to let soft tears fall down your cheeks.

“This is some seriously fucking unacceptable behavior.” Negan growled out, and you heard a few soft footsteps. “Rape is against the fucking rules here. I wouldn’t want to be somewhere where it wasn’t.”

You continued to listen to Negan’s voice, which pierced into your ears. For one reason or another, you now felt twenty times safer, even with David still in the room. You knew that this feeling of safety had to do with Negan, without a doubt. This brought you back to thinking about your mixed emotions and feelings about the leader of the Sanctuary. You still couldn’t figure out what it was, but you could now acknowledge that there was definitely something there.

“Someone in charge who’d let something like that fucking fly…” Negan trailed off, his voice becoming quieter at the end of the sentence.

It was then that you heard the unmistakable sound of a knife scraping as it was unsheathed. You lifted your head up from your knees and listened with your full and undivided attention as you realized that Negan had just pulled a knife on him. David breathed shakily and you heard the extensive fear behind it. He let out a few whimpers, but you couldn’t feel sorry for him even if you tried. He had harassed you, spread rumors about you, physically abused you, and attempted to rape you. You would be insane if you felt even a speck of remorse for him, and you certainly didn’t.

“David…” Negan trailed off tauntingly, and you heard a fearful whimper in response. “You really fucking crossed a line here.”

“I’m sorry sir.” David sputtered out in response. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears, as he attempted to beg for forgiveness.

After that, the voices fell silent. The only thing that you could hear was the sound of your own heavy breathing and David’s whimpers. It felt like it was silent for hours when in reality it was only a few moments. Your mind was spinning with possibilities. You dug your face back into your knees again as you listened to the scene with uncertainty. Surely Negan wouldn’t let this slide, but with each passing moment you became less confident in this idea.

In a sudden motion, you heard the distinct sound of the knife slicing into flesh. You lifted your head back up once again as you heard David’s choked gasps of struggle. You concluded that Negan had most likely stabbed him in the neck or throat. His struggling gasps and sputters sounded similar to the ones you emitted when David had almost killed you. It gave you a sense of relief to realize that he was finally gone.

“You know what?” Negan’s voice piped up. “I do not accept your fucking apology.”

You then heard the sharp sound of the knife again, this time sliding out of David’s skin. The collapsing of his body on the floor rung loudly in your ears. You sighed a quiet breath of relief, and reached your hand up to your head again. There was still some blood trickling down your forehead, while some of it was already sticking to your skin. You reached your hand to rub at your sore neck where you knew bruises would soon appear.

“Hey!” Negan’s loud and demanding voice barked out. “Go get her a new shirt.” He ordered to an unknown person, who you now realized had been watching the entire time.

You then heard the unknown’s footsteps leave and pace down the hallway. It didn’t take long for Negan’s footsteps to sound up again. They were slow, as if he was approaching you with caution. You were still nestled into the corner, bloody, bruised, exhausted, and somewhat defeated. You heard him maneuver to kneel down in front of you, and felt his presence only inches from yours.

“I am so fucking sorry, angel.” Negan started out saying, his voice surprisingly soft. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

You didn’t respond, but instead continued to sit there in shock. You tensed slightly when you heard his movements shift slightly. Negan’s hand reached up to your forehead to assess the dripping blood. His hand gently caressed the skin, making your body erupt in goosebumps. You sat still and heard him chuckle in response.

“You fucking head butted him, didn’t you?” Negan asked incredulously. You shyly nodded in response. “That’s one of things I like about you angel, you know how to fucking kick ass when you need to.”

At that statement, your entire body froze. You hoped he didn’t notice it, but you were utterly shocked. Negan didn’t seem to have any hesitation as he said that to you. You were drawn to one particular part of the sentence. _That’s one of the things I like about you._ To you, this informed you that there were multiple other things that Negan liked about you. This made you even more confused and concerned at your hectic feelings. Breaking the current conversation, you heard footsteps from down the hallway. They soon reached the cell where you heard them walk towards Negan.

“Here you go, boss.” You heard a deep voice say.

“Drag his fucking worthless ass downstairs. Call for a meeting. I’ll be down there soon.” Negan ordered the man, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

You heard the rough dragging of David’s body followed by the footsteps of the unknown man. You assumed that it was the person who had gotten you a shirt, and sighed in relief. You had almost forgotten that your shirt was ripped halfway open, and instantly sunk back in embarrassment.

“Here, angel.” Negan’s voice rung out, making you reach your hand up. It instantly collided with soft fabric, and his skin as well.

You graciously took the shirt from him. A wave of nervousness hit you when you were reminded of your extremely sore and bruised muscles. There was a slight chance that you would be able to get the shirt on by yourself. You swallowed harshly, not necessarily wanting to do what your mind was telling you. You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and gulped down your nervousness.

“Uh..” Your voice sounded for the first time, quiet and hesitant. “Can you- Would you..?”

“Yes I’ll help you, doll.” Negan instantly answered you, knowing what you were trying to say. You sighed in relief that you didn’t have to stumble over yourself any more.

It was then silent, which put you on edge. You shook out the shirt from it’s folded position, wincing at the sore muscles in your back and neck. You still had the ripped shirt donning your chest, but you weren’t taking it off. You would just place the new shirt over the ripped one.

You scooted forward slightly as Negan took the shirt from your hands. You attempted to take a deep breath to try and calm yourself. He leaned forward slightly and you reached your left arm out, searching for the appropriate sleeve. When you found it, you slipped your left arm through it and repeating the same action with your right arm. Once it was on both arms, Negan gently assisted you in tugging it over your head. You then took over and let it cascade down your chest and torso.

After the shirt was on, you instantly felt more relaxed. “Thank you.” You muttered out in response. “For helping me.”

“I heard you scream.” Negan responded, his voice beginning to lace with anger once again. “And I wanted to strangle whoever the fuck was hurting you.”

This confession caused you to intake a shaky breath. If you weren’t confused and bewildered before, you definitely were now. He sounded so sincere, and you found yourself sinking back into your own body. This ongoing thing with Negan was still so confusing to you. However, you began to realize that it was all slowly starting to unravel.

“Thank you for the points too.” You responded more confidently, not lingering on his previous confession. This was a sneaky way for you to both thank him, and maybe find out why the hell he did it.

You heard Negan chuckle in response. “You’re certainly fucking welcome, angel. You’re just proving how strong you are over and over again, knocking assholes out left and right.” This made you laugh slightly unconsciously, and you felt his gaze pierce into you.

“Those are points well earned.” Negan finished saying, emphasizing each word carefully so that you understood the point in whole. “Don’t spend em all in one fucking place.”

You smiled slightly to yourself. A sharp pain pierced into your neck, making you remember the wounds you had suffered. You could feel the blood that had stuck to your forehead and cringed in disgust. Negan seemed to notice this, and offered some help.

“I’ll help you with that, angel.” He responded, surprising you again with the gentleness of his tone. “Come on.” Negan muttered out, and you felt his hand gently nudge yours.

Knowing exactly what that meant, you reached up and latched your hand nervously onto his. Your skin erupted in goosebumps once again as he held tightly onto your hand. You began to carefully stand up from the floor using Negan’s hand as leverage, as he stood by and carefully watched you. Once you were standing straight up again, you immediately let go of his hand.

This was only replaced by his arm wrapping softly around your waist. You were slowly getting used to the close distance between you two, and this particular action somewhat calmed you down. Negan led you out of the cell, and started on a trek down the hallways. You were nervous that you would run into someone, and they would see the grip that he had on you. You knew that people would begin to talk, and that was the last thing that you wanted.

You were broken from your thoughts when Negan suddenly stopped in his tracks. You felt him move forward to push open a door. He led you inside and shut it tightly behind him. You still had no idea where you were.

“Here, come sit.” He motioned you over to sit down, on a soft and comfortable chair.

You listened as his footsteps walked away from you, and opened the door to another room. You heard water running, and assumed that Negan was in a bathroom. Your mouth hung open when a sudden thought pierced through your head that you were in his room. Quickly standing up from the chair, you moved carefully around the room to assess it. When you walked gently into a hard surface, you reached your hand out to feel that it was a desk. You then realized that you were not in Negan’s bedroom, but rather an office of some sort.

The running water then ceased. You quickly turned back around and scurried back in the direction that you came. Once you felt the soft chair, you turned around and quickly sat back down. You had perfect timing, as you then heard the door crack open again. Negan walked towards you and you heard a chair scrape across the hardwood floor. You assumed that he had taken a seat in front of you.

Your breath caught in your throat when you felt a warm hand on your chin. Negan gently lifted your chin up and then began to dab a warm and wet towel onto your forehead. You tried to stay still, but your nerves were slowly starting to get the better of you. You tried to train your mind to think about anything else, but it was focused on reveling in the feeling of Negan’s hand on your soft skin. When he let go, your head dropped down slightly.

“Thank you, Negan.” You responded simply and graciously. You reached up to your forehead and felt no traces of blood. He had helped you a lot in just that day alone, and you were extremely grateful.

“You’re welcome, angel.” Negan responded, causing you to shiver at his voice.

“I’m sorry again.” He interjected himself. “For what that fucker did to you– and what he almost fucking did. If you ever need anything, just a nice fucking chat to talk about it, let me know.”

It fell silent after that, as you didn’t know how to respond. This was a side to Negan that you had never seen before today. He was considerate and caring, and it confused the hell out of you. This was a man that was known to intimidate everyone, and made people tremble with just a five second glare in their direction. You were confused by this side of him, but you tried to embrace it for all that it was worth.

You were broke from your train of thought when you heard a loud knock on a nearby door. You heard Negan sigh in annoyance and the creak of the chair he was sitting on as he stood up from it. His footsteps hastily approached the door and whipped it open. You didn’t know who was there and you didn’t bother listening as you sunk back into the chair and rested your head against the soft leather. You stayed like this for a minute or so as the chattering of two voices filled the background.

“Angel.” Negan called out, gathering your attention. No matter how many times he called you by that nickname, it still made you shiver. You sat up straight and listened attentively.

_“Come with me, you’re gonna fucking want to see this.”_


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Violence

Negan led you down to the meeting area the same way that he led you to his office. He had his arm wrapped tightly around your waist, with your body pressed securely against his. You tried your hardest to fight the burning urge to lean your head against his chest. As Negan led you through halls and down some stairs, your mind was spinning out of control.

He had told one of his men to ‘call for a meeting’ and you were unsure what it was all about. You really hoped that Negan wouldn’t blurt out what had happened to you in front of everyone. It was still drilling into your brain, the fact that you had almost been raped. You felt a tear fall from your eye and trail slowly down your cheek as you thought about it. You quickly wiped it away as discreetly as you could, hoping that Negan hadn’t noticed. This would take you months, years probably, to even attempt to come to terms with it.

It had made you jump back to reality when you felt Negan suddenly stop in his tracks. You hadn’t even realized that you were already in the large meeting room until you felt everyone’s eyes on you, and heard soft chatters. You remembered that Negan’s arms was still around your waist. Frantically, you clumsily stepped away from his hold and moved to the side, hanging your head low. You didn’t want anybody to see you and him in that close proximity, but your mind had been so scrambled that you barely even noticed where you were at first.

It only took a few moments for you to feel soft and warm arms embrace you in a hug. You immediately knew that it was Jesse. You wrapped your arms around his neck and returned his embrace, letting more tears fall from your eyes. The hug lasted a minute or so before you both pulled back. Jesse’s hand brushed against your forehead and you knew he was assessing your disheveled form, bruised neck, and trembling limbs.

“Oh my god.” Jesse muttered out in disbelief. “W-What? What happened?” He asked you, his voice simultaneously fluctuating and trembling.

“David.” You mumbled out quietly in response, hearing him sigh in realization.

It was then that you felt another pair of arms wrap around you from the side. This time it was Marie. You leaned slightly into her hug as she rubbed your back soothingly. She unwrapped herself from you but kept her hand resting reassuringly on your arm. You were thankful for both her and Jesse in that moment.

“Thank god he’s finally gone.” Marie responded with a sigh of relief. “Someone dragged his body down here. It’s over there.” She informed you carefully.

You then felt Jesse move to stand closely by your right side. Everyone’s chattering filled your ears. They were all most likely wondering why David’s dead body was there, what had happened, and what this meeting that Negan had called was for. You then heard a loud whistle begin to echo and bounce off of the high ceilings, followed by Negan’s gradual footsteps.

“So..” Negan’s loud and booming voice began to speak. “I’m sure you’re all fucking wondering what this spontaneous meeting is for. Well, take a look at this fucking asshole.” He shouted, referring to David’s dead body currently lying on the ground.

“He, is a piece of shit. He broke one too many fucking rules, and he crossed the damn line not too long ago.” Negan informed everyone in the room, which followed up with the feeling of multiple eyes piercing into your skull. You took a small step back, attempting to make yourself invisible.

“Whatever he has said is all a fucking lie. Davey here is a fucking stupid, idiotic, lying, rapist, and let him be a fucking example to everyone.” Negan’s voice boomed and echoed throughout the large room.

There was one particular word in that sentence that caused Jesse to grab you by the waist and pull you into him. He had now put the pieces together of what David had done. You subconsciously leaned your head against your best friend, feeling Marie’s hand brush against yours in comfort. She gave it a small but tight squeeze and then let it go.

“Here’s your example. You break a rule too many fucking times, you cross the damn line, you get punished.” Negan growled out almost manically. “The punishment, in case it wasn’t fucking obvious enough, is death.”

This current situation was throwing you off balance, and confusing the hell out of you. It wasn’t too long before that Negan had actually shown you a different side of himself. You were adjusting to it, to his softer side, and you appreciated it. However, in the moment, he was back to his old self. He was demeaning, crude, and was basically threatening everyone there. You couldn’t believe how fast Negan had switched, and you found yourself wondering if the other side of him that you saw was only a show.

A loud and gurgling groan brought your attention back to the current situation. You heard a slight shuffling and the unmistakable sounds of a walker. It dawned on you immediately that David had just turned. You stood still while listening to his dead-alive body struggle, and wondered who would take him out. Taking a deep breath, you lifted your head back up from Jesse’s shoulder.

“Look at this fucker!” Negan bellowed with a loud laugh. “Remember, any of you pull any shit like Davey here, this is how you’ll fucking end up.”

An uncomfortable shiver ran down your spine. You felt your bottom lip begin to quiver as a million emotions threatened to overcome you at once. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want to be there when David turned, you didn’t want to be anywhere near him, dead or alive. It was hopeful in your mind that someone would just stab him effortlessly in the end and it’d be over. Then you could go crawl into your bed and cry for the rest of the night. You were wrong.

“Good fucking riddance.” Negan drawled out, slowly trailing over each word.

Your mouth fell open in surprise when you heard the unmistakable sound of flesh and bones being hit. Specifically, with a baseball bat. You stood there in disbelief as you listened to Negan repeatedly bash David to his second death. The noise was deafening to you, and you knew you would still be hearing it for weeks after. You heard multiple people let out audible gasps, and some choked sobs as they watched in horror. Negan had just threatened to do the same thing to them if they stepped out of line, so their reaction made complete sense to you.

A deep and depressing thought dawned on you in that moment. You must have been included in that threat. Why wouldn’t you be? It made you even more terrified, and you found yourself wondering if Negan would ever actually kill you. He had shown a softer side to you, but you realized that it didn’t matter. Negan was cruel, brutal, ruthless, and he would never show anybody any sympathy, admiration, or even love. It wasn’t possible.

You were even more stricken with fear when you remembered what you had done earlier that day. You had slapped Frankie, one of Negan’s wives, right in front of everyone. That was certainly a form of you breaking a rule, and you knew it. As the smashing finally ceased, you felt your hands begin to tremble in fear. You were now even more on edge about Negan. You had stepped out of line, and you were positive that you were going to pay for it when he found it.

Without sparing any more words, you turned on your heels and followed the same path to the large doors. You heard everyone’s soft chattering, and you knew that they were most likely talking about you. Jesse and Marie called out to you quietly, but you didn’t pay them any mind. You needed a breather, you needed to get away from everything before you completely exploded.

“Angel.” You heard Negan’s voice loudly call out to you just as you reached the doors. His voice made you stop dead in your tracks, but you pushed the door open instead and walked out. You faintly heard the annoying and familiar voices of his wives chirping at him, and you knew exactly what they were telling him.

Picking up your pace, you hurried faster out of the large doors, letting them slam shut behind you. You only made it a few steps when you heard the doors open and close again frantically. You stopped in your tracks and inhaled deeply. There was an intense feeling in your gut that it was your best friend.

“Please… please talk to me.” Jesse whispered desperately, his quiet pleas filling your ears.

You felt him lay his hand on your arm in an attempt to stop you, and calm you down. Immediately, you shoved yourself away from Jesse. Right now was a time when you needed to be alone. You started to walk away from him again when he called out to you loudly. When you didn’t respond, he ran to catch up with you and you felt his presence directly in front of you.

“I’m fine, Jesse.” You replied firmly, wanting him to get the hint that you wanted to be left alone.

“No you’re not.” Jesse replied simply, and you knew that he was right. At that moment, you didn’t feel like you had the strength to talk to him, or anybody for that matter, about what had happened.

“Jesse, drop it. I said I’m fine.” You snarled at him through gritted teeth.

When you heard no response or rebuttal, you pushed past Jesse and continued on your way. You followed the trail back to your room and carefully approached your door. Even though you knew that David was dead, you still had the intense fear lingering in the back of your mind. You were terrified that he would jump out at you again, and drag you by your hair to finish what he had started.

You then frantically approached your door, twisted the knob, entered, and slammed the door shut behind you. You made sure that you locked your door and heard it click before you turned around. With your chin quivering, you sprinted towards your bed and dove into it. Finding yourself in a similar position as before, you buried your face in your pillow and let the waterfall of tears flow from your eyes. You let out long and loud sobs, pouring out everything that you were currently feeling.

When you felt like you had no tears left to shed, you finally lifted your head up from your pillow. You wiped your cheeks free from the salty tears, and instinctively reached under your bed. Pulling out the familiar box, you placed it beside you on your bed and moved to sit with your legs crossed. Removing the lid from the box, you set it aside and reached inside. When your hand brushed across what you were looking for, you pulled it out.

You traced your thumb across the heart shaped pendant of your mother’s necklace as the chain dangled off of your hand. Gripping it tightly in your hand, you exhaled a deep breath and held it to your chest. It was at a time like this when you desperately needed her comfort. You knew that she wouldn’t want you to break because of this, she would want you to become stronger. That’s what you would try to do, for her.

Finding the specific part of the necklace, you unlatched it. Moving your hair to the side, you wrapped the necklace around your neck before securely latching it shut. You moved your hair back, and let the cold pendant fall gently against the skin of your chest.

Placing the lid back on the box, you pushed it back under your bed in the same spot that it always had been in. You clutched the pendant in your hand and inhaled deep and calming breaths. Smiling to yourself, you repeated again the same phrase that your mother had always made you say. It gave you confidence, and it comforted you in the worst of times.

“I am brave. I am strong. I am worth it.”

* * *

It was a brand new day, and you weren’t sure what had led you there, but you found yourself wandering down to the garden. Lingering around the area, you ran your hands across various plants and vegetables until you ran across a familiar one. Planting yourself down in front of them, you let your hand trail over the delicate petals of the sunflowers.

You had held and smelt enough sunflowers in your life to recognize one when you came across it. Adjusting your position on the ground, you leaned towards them to smell the comforting and earthly scent. Sunflowers had always been your favorite. Your neighbors had constantly grown them, and you would always find yourself sitting and staring at them for hours. Eventually, your neighbor gave you some of her seeds to let you grow sunflowers on your own.

Your neighbors were an old married couple. They were retired, so they spent most of their time at home. They had become good friends of yours, as they didn’t have any grandchildren and began to think of you as one. You found yourself wondering where they had ended up. You wondered if they were now someplace safe, or if they had been consumed by this new and cruel world.

Smelling and touching the sunflowers reminded you of your childhood. It reminded you of a time when you were actually able to see the beautiful flowers. In that moment, you so desperately wished that you were able to again. You wanted to see the bright yellow colors of the sunflower. You wanted to look in the mirror and see yourself smiling. You wanted to see trees, birds, and the outdoors. You wanted to see everyone and everything around you, and it still somewhat angered you that you couldn’t. No matter what, you wouldn’t let it bring you down. You had grown too strong because of your blindness to let it begin to bring you down now.

The sun still beat down on you, but in a comforting way. It was rather quiet outside at that moment, and you enjoyed it. After everything that had happened in the previous day, you needed some time to yourself. You found yourself wondering how long it would last. You assumed that Jesse would be looking for you. After all, you had blown him off, but you just weren’t ready to talk to him yet. You still had a hard time processing it to yourself. This was something that you never thought would ever happen to you, but it did. It just showed you how unsafe and cruel the world really was.

As your hand continued to trail across the soft petals of the sunflowers, you began to hear footsteps. They were slow but loud, as if they were approaching with hesitation or even searching for something. You held your breath as you could only match the footsteps to one person in particular. He was someone that you did not necessarily want to see at the moment.

Yes, he had saved you from David and you were extremely grateful for it. However, you couldn’t keep up with his extreme behavioral changes, and how confused you were about him. You didn’t understand how he could be completely calm and caring with you, and then turn around to threaten everyone one second later.

Negan’s footsteps were getting louder and closer, but you stayed where you were. You couldn’t run away every time you heard him, so you stayed put. Maybe if you kept doing what you were doing and didn’t pay attention to Negan, then he would go away. However, you knew that once he started talking to you, you would most likely become a shivering and trembling mess. That was the unnerving effect that he had on you.

Once his footsteps ceased, you could practically feel his eyes burning a hole into you. Ignoring it the best that you could, you continued to caress the petals. You heard a few more footsteps as Negan made his way closer to you. When he stopped, you could feel him lingering rather close to you. You inhaled a deep breath quietly.

“Hello, angel.” Negan’s deep voice greeted you, making an involuntary shiver course throughout you. You mentally slapped yourself.

“Hi.” You responded quietly, your voice just barely audible. _So much for ignoring him._

Negan let out a loud sigh before you felt him shift positions. Before you knew it, you could feel his breath hitting your ear since he had moved to kneel down next to you. Your body froze as you felt Negan’s arm brush against you as he reached in front of you. You heard a light snap and then felt the soft petals of a sunflower brush against your hand. You reached your hand out and grasped the flower, taking it from Negan’s hand and placing it in yours.

“You could’ve just taken one.” Negan chuckled quietly, close to your ear. “Even though the sight of you admiring flowers is fucking beautiful, but anyway.” He trailed off, and you started to feel a slight blush rise to your cheeks.

This is exactly what was confusing you about him. Just the day before he had been beating the hell out of David’s reanimated corpse in front of everyone, some of which were petrified because of it. Now, he was picking a sunflower for you and complimenting you. It seemed like he had two completely different sides to him, and it confused you. You definitely preferred his caring side, but you found yourself wondering again if it was actually real.

“I’ve been looking for you all fucking day.” Negan sighed, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion. Your heart nearly dropped out of your chest at his next sentence.

_“We need to fucking talk, angel.”_


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst, Mentions of Attempted Rape

“We need to fucking talk, angel.”

You attempted to distract yourself from the current situation by continuing to palm the sunflower in your hand. Negan was still close enough to you that you could feel his breath on your skin. Your mind raced with a million different thoughts as you tried to calm yourself down. You briefly thought about just getting up and running away, but you knew that it would do you no good. He would just follow you.

As you tried to decipher what he needed to talk to you about, you could only come up with one thing. The thing that would most likely get you in deep trouble. You had heard his wives clucking to him like a group of hens as you stormed out of the ‘meeting’ the day before. You had assumed that they had told Negan about you slapping Frankie, as they told you that they would do so. This was the only explanation that you could come up with, and you began to brace yourself for the worst.

You inhaled a deep breath to calm your nerves. “About what?” You asked quietly.

“I did tell that if you needed to fucking talk to anybody, you could come to me.” Negan began to answer you, making you slightly sink back in confusion. “Since you haven’t yet, and I know damn well that you need to fucking talk to someone, I came to you instead.”

A wave of both relief and disbelief washed over you. You were relieved that Negan wasn’t there to talk about you hitting one of his wives, but you were in disbelief at that same fact. You found yourself wondering if you were just assuming and his wives hadn’t told him about what happened. It seemed like a stretch for them to keep their mouths shut, but it was a possibility that lingered in your mind. You also wondered if Negan did actually know, but decided to just drop it.

You were brought out of your trance unexpectedly and felt Negan’s eyes bore into you. “I don’t need to talk about it.” You responded softly.

The sunflower was dancing across your skin as a slight breeze picked up. You focused on the feeling of the petals and tried to ignore the current situation. It had only been one day, and you didn’t think that you were ready to talk about it yet. You hadn’t even talked to your best friend about it yet, so what makes Negan think that you’ll talk about it to him. He did have his ways however, and you figured that you wouldn’t be leaving the garden without talking to him as he had asked.

It was a surprise when you heard his body shift and then a soft thud. You put the pieces together and figured that he had situated himself out of his kneeling position to sit on the ground in the same way that you were. It made you laugh internally. You wished you could see that, the big bad leader of the Sanctuary sitting on the cold dirty ground watching a woman caress flowers. You knew that this was something Negan would never do in front of his men. He liked to be above everyone else and to be in power, which made you wonder why he broke this rule for you.

“That’s a load of bullshit angel, and you know it.” Negan replied firmly but not angrily. You sighed in response, gripping the sunflower harshly as it threatened to fall into the breeze.

“What is there to talk about?” You replied, a slight harshness to your tone. It wasn’t meant to sound rude, but you found yourself getting frustrated.

“Everything. Tell me exactly what fucking happened, that’s the only fucking way you can at least start to overcome it.” Negan said, making you laugh to yourself. You wondered if anybody would stumble across the two of you, and find humor in the fact that Negan was basically hosting a therapy session. It was unlike him.

“When did you become a therapist?” You asked him sarcastically, hearing him chuckle in disbelief. The sunflower dropped from your hand due to the breeze but you quickly snatched it back up. You related to the sunflower in that moment, you were shaky and unstable.

“Why does it matter to you, anyway? Why do you want to sit here and listen to me cry over what happened when you have better things to do?” You decided to ask, anxious for his response. It was a question that had been lingering in the back of your mind since the conversation started. Negan was a confusing man, and you didn’t know why he would care so much about what had happened to you, or even you in general. It didn’t make sense, and you didn’t know how to make sense of it.

“Because, angel, you’re fucking worth my time.” Negan responded with what sounded like sincerity. You tensed up briefly in response. “You need to talk about it, and I’m not fucking leaving until you do.”

It remained silent for a few minutes after that. Your brain was attempting to process what he had just said, along with deciding if you really wanted to talk to him. Negan had just basically complimented you, again. You felt goosebumps rise to your skin but told yourself that it was solely because of the breeze. The fact that anybody besides your best friend even hinted at giving a crap about you amazed you, let alone the fact that it was Negan. You knew that he was persistent while not patient, but also knew that he truly wouldn’t leave until you talked.

You inhaled and exhaled a deep breath, preparing yourself for the upcoming darkened conversation. You heard Negan shift slightly and felt his arm brush against yours. The breeze became more subtle and the sunflower stayed firmly placed in your hand.

“I was going back to my room…” You started the story. “… and I guess I was so distracted that I didn’t hear him. Before I got inside, he grabbed me. I tried everything, but he dragged me to the cell.” You gripped the sunflower tighter. “He- He was saying that I couldn’t just punch him and get away with it. He started to choke me and- and I knew he was going to kill me.” A small tear slipped out of your eye and trailed down your cheek.

“Then- then I kneed him and head-butted him, and made a run for the door. I al-almost got out but he got back up and stopped me. Then I-I was in the corner and he told me that I was annoying but not hid-hideous.” You felt your voice begin to shake. “He threw me down onto the ground, and I-I knew what he was going to do but I-I couldn’t stop him. He ripped my shirt, and told m-me not to struggle because it would only make it worse. That’s when I screamed. He- he was trying to get my pants off but that’s -that’s when you got there.”

After you finished relaying the story, it was silent once again. Your chin began to quiver and you found yourself wondering if Negan had just gotten up and left. Before you knew it, everything started to overwhelm you and you began to let tears stream down your face. The sunflower fell out of your hand as your body was wracked with sobs. In a split moment, you felt Negan’s arm reach around you to grip your waist gently and pull you into him. It was instinctual as you leaned your head on his shoulder and let a few cries of despair overcome you.

After a few moments of sobbing, you realized what was happening. You lifted your head up from Negan’s shoulder and tried to scoot away. His arm lowered from your waist as you tried to calm your breathing down. You couldn’t believe it. You had always sworn to yourself that you would never show a weakness or let anybody see you cry, especially Negan. You had done just that, and you had actually cried in his arms.

You were pulled out of your over-thinking when you felt Negan’s hand brush against your chin. A shiver coursed throughout your body when his rough but gentle hand gripped onto your chin and turned your head slightly. You could feel his eyes boring into you and watching your face closely. Negan’s hand stayed securely on your chin while his thumb lifted up to your cheek and wiped away some of your tears.

“You don’t have to be fucking scared anymore, angel.” Negan said to you in a reassuring tone. “He’s gone.”

As you felt your composure slowly begin to return, you tried to assess what had just happened. Negan’s hand let go of your chin as you picked up the sunflower once again. You attempted to discreetly scoot away from him further. You distracted yourself with the sunflower again and listened to the sounds of the soft breeze and Negan’s steady breathing.

“There’s something else I really fucking need to talk to you about.” Negan suddenly blurted out, making your stomach twist into multiple different knots.

You once again heavily debated on getting up and running away. The hesitant but firm tone in his voice made you conclude that he definitely knew. There was nothing else that Negan could have wanted to talk to you about. You now realized that you were right on the assumption that his wives had told him what you did. You didn’t respond to his statement, but instead stayed still and silent, and waited for what was to come.

“Amber and the… others..” Negan trailed off, dancing around the word wives and making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “They told me that you hit Frankie.” There was a long pause. “Is that true, angel?”

You gritted your teeth together and sighed deeply. You knew that you couldn’t lie, Negan would see right through you. The fact that he was asking you about it specifically already confirmed to you that he knew. There was no sense in lying to him, but you didn’t know how you were going to justify it to him. There was a lingering fear in the back of your mind that Negan would snap on you, and punish you like he had done to others before. You just didn’t know, but you did know that you had to tell the truth.

“Yes.” You replied with a firm tone, and squeezed the sunflower’s stem. “I did.”

“Why?” Was Negan’s only response. It gave you a sense of relief at the discreet gentleness in his tone.

“They didn’t tell you that they were harassing and pretty much bullying me?” You asked him curiously, not letting him answer as you shook your head in realization. “Of course they wouldn’t. They either lied or didn’t give any explanation.”

You heard Negan’s heavy breathing as there was a short pause of conversation. “They said that you just upped and hit her out of nowhere.” He explained.

Your head snapped up in disbelief. Of course they would lie, why wouldn’t they? They’d be stupid if they didn’t. “That’s not true.” You replied with a slight annoyance in your tone.

“Angel.” Negan sighed deeply. “I want to fucking believe you…”

“But you don’t.” You snapped, lifting your head up to face the direction of his voice. “Of course you don’t. How come you could believe me when it was David but not now?” You yelped at him, your anger level gradually rising.

“When it was David, I had some fucking proof. This time, I don’t.” Negan explained, making you clench your fist even tighter around the sunflower. “I want to fucking believe you, but I can’t yet. You knew that was against the rules.”

All of the anger, confusion, and frustration bubbled over in that moment. You felt an intense fury and a fire swelling deep inside of you. You heard Negan move to stand up on his feet as he was about to leave. You quickly followed suit, standing up straight, and turning to face him.

“So you could believe me when it was David but not now when it was your stupid fucking harem?” You snapped, cursing for the first time in a while. “I’m blind, everyone knows that. Nobody here fucking likes me and it’s exactly because of that. I get constantly harassed, glared at, yelled at, almost fucking raped.” You yelled. “Which you saw and saved me from in case you forgot, but you’re standing here telling me that you can’t believe me when you sure as hell know that I’m telling the truth.”

It fell silent as you fought back the tears threatening to spill over once again. You felt one involuntarily trail down your cheek but you let it stay. At this moment in time, you felt utterly betrayed. You had started to actually enjoy Negan, and he ruined it within the blink of an eye. Everything that he had done before didn’t seem to matter now, since he obviously didn’t believe you when he knew you were telling the truth. You felt played, and defeated.

“You know, Negan, for a while… you actually treated me like a human.” You explained, palming the sunflower still lodged in your hand. Negan stayed silent, but you heard his shuffling movements and heavy breathing.

“I actually liked being around you, believe it or not. But this just proved to me that it was a lie. Everything you did was because you feel bad for me, bringing me on the run, the points… everything. I was an idiot to think that you’d believe me now when your stupid wives are involved.” You sighed, taking a break before continuing. “It makes sense now, the way you acted towards me. You actually cared, but it wasn’t real.” You concluded.

“So..” You trailed off, tossing the sunflower harshly onto the cold ground. “Go give sunflowers and compliments to your wives and leave me the hell alone.”

Without waiting for a response, you marched past Negan and brushed against him slightly on the way. As you trailed along listening to your urgent footsteps, you felt an overwhelming urge to run to your room and cry your eyes out. You stopped in your path and held your head in your hands to let out a few cries of frustration. Collecting yourself as fast as you could, you headed back on the path towards your room.

As you approached your door, you heard quiet footsteps. You immediately tensed up, feeling the horrendous familiarity of the situation. You half expected David to jump out at you from the dead and drag you down the hallway again. You sighed in relief when you heard your best friend call out to you.

“Jesse.” You sighed in relief, turning to face the sound of his voice. You stepped forward and threw your arms around him, embracing him in a large hug.

He returned the hug eagerly, and you felt a few tears fall from your eyes in response. You were completely shattered, and you needed your best friend for comfort. You remembered how rude you had been to Jesse when he was simply trying to talk to you about David, and sighed. When you pulled back from the hug, you knew he clearly noticed your tear stained cheeks and red eyes.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Jesse sputtered out in concern, making you shake your head. There was no way that you could tell him that you were crying because of Negan.

You motioned for your door, and he immediately understood. You reached your hand out to find the doorknob, and pushed it open. Jesse entered before you, and you shut the door after you did as well. You couldn’t tell Jesse why you were really crying your eyes out, and you quickly came up with an excuse that would suffice.

“I was, I was just trying to find you, Jesse. I feel really horrible about how I yelled at you the other day, and I wanted to say I’m sorry.” You confessed, pleased at how smooth and fitting it sounded.

“Hey, it’s fine. You don’t need to apologize.” Jesse responded with reassurance, stepping towards you and resting a hand on your arm. “It’s normal to feel angry and confused when something like that happens.” He explained, making you nod.

“You’re my best friend, you know that. I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what. You can come to me with anything. Hell, even if you wanted to ramble on about how Marvel is better than DC, I’ll still be there listening.” Jesse reassured you, making a small laugh escape your lips.

“Remember, best friends till the world ends.” Jesse said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. That was a phrase that the two of you had made up a few months after you met, when you knew you would be best friends for a while. He truly was your best friend, and you couldn’t live without him.

“I’m pretty sure the world already ended. Didn’t you get the memo?” You asked sarcastically, hearing him laugh loudly in response.

“That doesn’t count. We’re still best friends.” You laughed at his reply and felt him wrap his arms around you again in a comforting hug. You returned it immediately. “I love you, bestie.”

You giggled and nodded in reply. “I love you too, idiot.”

* * *

After Jesse had left your room, you took a breather and tried to think things through. It took a while, but you were finally able to calm yourself down. After everything that had happened, and the fight with Negan, you desperately needed a break. A sudden idea popped into your head, making you jump up from your current spot.

You headed out of your room and made sure to tightly latch your door shut behind you. Trailing your hand along the wall, you listened to your footsteps as you walked towards the armory. You had only been in there a few times, but you remembered exactly where it was. You weren’t completely positive, but you had a good feeling that who you were looking for would be in there.

Once you made it to the doors of the armory, you pushed on the door only to find it locked. You pulled only to find it still closed. Reaching your hand up, you knocked loudly on the door in hopes that someone would hear. You heard footsteps and stepped back a few steps as the door whipped open.

“Can I help you?” You heard a female voice say, but you couldn’t put a name to it.

“Um, I’m looking for Simon.” You replied. “Is he in there?”

You heard the woman sigh loudly in annoyance. It was quiet for a moment and you knew that she was staring at you and most likely judging you. You flinched slightly when you heard her start to yell. “Simon! There’s some chick here that wants to talk to you!”

You heard the woman walk away, and then heard a new pair of footsteps. Backing up a few more steps, you listened to Simon’s footsteps as he exited the doors. They slammed closed behind him, and you could feel his gaze piercing into you. You knew he was confused, and you also knew that this was probably a bad idea.

“Hey.” Simon greeted you. “What do you need?”

“Um, when is the next run that you’re going on?” You asked him curiously.

“Tomorrow, why?” You could distinctly hear the confusion in his voice. A wave of relief and excitement washed over you.

“I wanted to ask if I could go with you.” You replied firmly, keeping your head held high. You needed to be confident and secure, or else he would most likely not let you go, or see right through you.

“Oh.” Simon responded. “Well, you should probably ask Negan.”

You felt a thousand different emotions overcome you at the mention of his name, but pushed it aside. “I asked him already, he said I could. He told me that you didn’t need to check with him, and that I just had to clear it with you.”

There was only a small pause, but it seemed hours long to you. You had just lied straight to Simon’s face, and the both of you would probably end up in trouble because of it. The outcome didn’t matter to you that much at the moment, you just needed a way to get out. You needed a breather, and some time away from both the Sanctuary and Negan. You hoped that Simon would oblige, and wouldn’t look into it further. If he asked Negan about it, this adventure would be over before it even started.

“Okay, sure.” Simon responded, making you smile in response. “That’ll be great, maybe we’ll actually get something done with you along as well. Meet us here in the armory tomorrow morning, okay?”

You nodded proudly, with a large and satisfied smile on your face.

_“Absolutely.”_


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language

Negan stared down at the sunflower lying on the ground, and sighed. He quickly bent down, scooped up the flower in his hand, and placed it safely inside of his pocket. Turning on his heels, he swung Lucille over his shoulder and began to walk away from the garden. Negan passed many Saviors along the way, who immediately kneeled in his presence. This normally would have gave him a sense of satisfaction, but he didn’t care as much now that his mind was preoccupied with something else, or rather someone else.

When he passed by his wives parlor room, he took a quick glance inside. He no longer felt the same satisfaction and pride as he had before when he looked in that room. Negan shook his head and turned to keep walking, but mistakenly locked eyes with a few of them. He groaned in annoyance and continued to trek, hoping that he could avoid them.

“Negan!” Amber’s chipper voice called out, followed by Frankie’s and Tanya’s voice. He was stopped in his tracks when they all moved to stand in front of him, effectively blocking his path.

“You seem stressed, why don’t you take a break and spend some time with us?” Amber asked suggestively as the other two giggled indefinitely.

“No. Fuck off. Goodbye.” Negan replied harshly, moving in between them to continue on his path. He heard their confused chatters and questions as he went on his way. He never would have rejected that offer before, but now there was always a lingering image in the back of his mind of someone worth passing that offer up for.

Negan continued on his path with Lucille over his shoulder. He wasn’t paying much attention to his surroundings as his thoughts ran wild and easily distracted him. He passed by the cells, where he stopped in his tracks and glanced over them. Negan involuntarily gripped Lucille tighter as his mind brought him back to what he had witnessed and done in there. He had killed David twice, and he would do it again if it meant that you were safe.

While he stood in front of the cells, his mind also reminded him of his close proximity to your room. He heavily debated on apologizing to you immediately, but decided not to. Negan knew that you would still be frustrated with him, and he would wait as long as he had to in order to apologize. It wouldn’t hurt for him to at least check on you though, would it? He slowly picked up his footsteps again and walked slowly in the direction of your room. Negan tensed up when he heard two familiar voices. He walked as quietly as he could and peeked around the corner that he had just approached.

He was greeted by you, with your arms wrapped tightly around Jesse. He swung Lucille down off his shoulder and down to rest by his side, gripping the handle to try and alleviate his frustrations. Negan felt an overwhelming anger overcome him at the sight, quickly realizing that it was raging jealousy. Even though you had told him truthfully that you and Jesse were only best friends, it still didn’t do anything to put out the fire that he was feeling as he watched the two of you embrace.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He heard Jesse ask you. His jaw clenched when he noticed your tear stained cheeks and red eyes. You motioned towards your door, to which you and Jesse both entered. Negan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when the door shut behind you.

He sighed deeply and leaned against the wall, rubbing his temple with his fingertips. Negan knew that he was a complete and utter asshole. He had basically told you that he didn’t believe you, and he deeply regretted it. On top of it, he had actually made you cry. Negan’s fist clenched around Lucille as he felt his self hatred escalating. He couldn’t believe himself. He had actually made you cry, and he felt like a complete bastard because of it.

Negan moved away from the wall when he heard someone coming up behind him. He turned around hesitantly, only to be greeted by Dwight. “Hey boss, we need you.”

“Jesus shit, fine.” Negan growled, clearly not in the mood for anything else that day. He didn’t know how he was supposed to function, not with the continuous raging thoughts of you. He couldn’t get you out of his head, and it scared the crap out of him.

It was pitch black when Negan finally reached his bedroom to retire for the night. He swung open his bedroom door, relived to find it empty, and slammed it shut behind him. He set Lucille down on one of the leather couches. As he stared at it for a moment, he was reminded of when you had taken out a walker with it on the run. Negan shook his head with an internal smile.

He sat down on the opposite leather couch and ran his hand over his beard in frustration. He couldn’t believe how easily you had weaved your way into his thoughts. There was something completely unique about you, and he knew that it wasn’t just because of your blindness. He had quickly come to notice that it made you stronger, and he realized it was one of the reasons that he liked you. Hell, he had even came out and actually told you that. He admired how brave you were, how strong you were, and how you always persevered. Your beauty was just a bonus, a distracting bonus that made him constantly stop and stare.

As he looked over at Lucille resting on the leather couch, he inhaled deeply. Lucille was his wife, and Negan loved her. Despite his personal deficits and crude behavior when they were married, he did love her. After she died, he swore to himself that he would never get close to anyone ever again. He closed himself off, and he created the Sanctuary to feel powerful. Negan craved power and respect, because it made him feel less alone. That was the undying truth, he was alone. That was the reason for his wives, they kept him company, and they made him momentarily forget about everything.

_She’s like the wind through my tree_

_She rides the night next to me_

_She leads me through moonlight_

_Only to burn me with the sun_

Negan had come to realize that you didn’t make him feel so alone anymore. It was a fact that continued to scare him. He never wanted to get this close to anybody ever again, but you were overwhelming. You were graceful, elegant, brave, strong… you’re like the wind.

Despite how much he had grown to care about you, he reminded himself of just how stupid he had been earlier that day. You was completely right to yell at Negan and put him in his place like that. He told you that he couldn’t believe you, because if he did, he knew it would ruin his reputation. If he had believed you over his wives, all of the Saviors would look at him differently, and they would most likely lose some of their respect for him. He quickly realized that he would rather have your respect only, rather than hundreds of strangers he had no real close ties with.

As he continued to dwell on the thought, Negan realized how bad he had messed up. He believed you completely, and he was punching himself for the fact that he told you he couldn’t. You had every right to be mad at him, and he couldn’t blame you. Negan just knew that he had to apologize, and he had to do it fast, before he lost you completely.

_She’s taken my heart_

_But she doesn’t know what she’s done_

He couldn’t deny any longer just how much he thought about you. He had spent little to no time with his wives lately, as you occupied his mind most of the time. Negan had been distracted that entire day, and people had definitely noticed.

Negan hadn’t felt this way in a long time, and he didn’t know how to react to it. All he knew was that he loved being around you. He loved your smile, your sarcasm, your strength, and it scared him. You had lodged herself tightly into his life and he knew that he couldn’t let you go any time soon.

_Feel her breath on my face_

_Her body close to me_

_Can’t look in her eyes_

_She’s out of my league_

_Just a fool to believe ___

____

__

_I have anything she needs_

_She’s like the wind_

Sitting by himself on the cold leather couch, Negan thought back to earlier that day. He had actually held you, and comforted you, while you cried in his arms. It dug deep at him when he remembered how he had been the one to make you cry later on. For the time being, he admired the fact that you were comfortable enough to cry around him. He knew that you were strong, but he also knew that everyone needed to cry these things out at some point.

Negan remembered the satisfying feeling of your head tucked onto his shoulder. He remembered how it felt holding onto your shaking form, and being the one to keep you stable. He remembered the feeling of your soft skin as he gently held your chin in his hand. Negan remembered wiping away your tears, and finding himself entranced with your striking doe eyes.

Most of all, he remembered thinking how horrible he was for you. He wasn’t the type of man that you deserved. He was crude, brutal, a liar, and he was no Prince Charming. You were pure, beautiful, innocent, and deserved everything he felt like he couldn’t give you. Negan knew from the moment he saw you that you were out of his league. He didn’t have what you needed, he didn’t deserve you, and that killed him.

_I look in the mirror and all I see_

_Is a young old man with only a dream_

_Am I just fooling myself_

_That she’ll stop the pain_

_Living without her_

_I’d go insane_

Standing up from the leather couch, he made his way to his bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. He made his way to the mirror, staring at his reflection momentarily and groaning in frustration. He turned the faucet on and bent down to splash some cold water onto his face. He grabbed a nearby towel to dry off, tossing it carelessly onto the ground after.

Negan continued to stare at his reflection before hanging his head low and gripping tightly onto the sides of the sink. He was way in over his head with this. He hated himself for how weak he felt in that moment, and how much he needed you. Negan was alone, he knew it, and he hated it. He hated how much he needed you, and how much he knew that you didn’t need him.

_Feel her breath on my face_

_Her body close to me_

_Can’t look in her eyes_

_She’s out of my league_

_Just a fool to believe_

_I have anything she needs ___

____

____

_She’s like the wind_

Inhaling a deep breath, he remembered back to after he had saved you from David. He remembered holding your hand, and holding you close to him as he brought you to his office. Negan remembered watching your face and staring intently into your entrancing eyes as he cleaned your wound.

You were too good for him. He knew it. He knew it from the first time that he saw you.

Negan was brought back from his intense train of thought when he heard a small knock on his door. His entire body perked up as he found himself hoping that it was you. He didn’t respond to the knock, but instead let the door open. A rush of annoyance and disappointment ran through Negan when his eyes landed on Sherry through the small gap in the bathroom door.

He whipped open the door and stepped out, already wanting this conversation to be over. Sherry had a look of concern written on her face as she watched Negan waltz by her to sit on one of the leather couches. She didn’t move from her position and Negan found himself both confused and annoyed at her presence.

“And what the fuck can I do for you?” Negan asked sarcastically, staring up at her with no true emotion behind his eyes.

“Amber told me that you blew them off earlier.” Sherry explained to him, making him shrug his shoulders.

“And?” Negan question harshly. “Who the fuck said that you can question what I do?” He asked her angrily, watching as she shifted on her feet.

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?” Sherry asked him knowingly, making Negan tense up. He knew that she had noticed when a look of realization crossed her face. “It is.”

“Sherry, what the fuck did you come here for?” Negan reiterated his question, leaning back against the couch. He was clearly ignoring her question, and it was obvious as to why.

“That’s what I came here for, to ask you about her.” Sherry reassured him, crossing her arms over her chest. “Negan, even a complete idiot could notice the way that you look at her.”

Negan remained silent as he lowered his gaze to the floor. This was a conversation that he was not expecting, and one that he didn’t know how to react to. He had just been going over his thoughts of you by himself, but now he was being pushed to explain them out loud. That was something that Negan knew he couldn’t do. It was better to just try and keep it to himself.

“By the way you were so distracted today, I’d guess that you got in a fight. Am I right?” At Negan’s huff of annoyance, Sherry continued. “I like her, Negan. She’s not like everyone else here. If you really like her, then you need to fix this argument before she walks away for good. Don’t let her walk away, cause I know you’re not one to give up.”

He continued to remain silent as he lifted his gaze back up to her. He watched as Sherry turned on her heels and reached for the doorknob. Negan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion when she let go of it, and turned back around. She leaned her back against the door and observed him intently. She sighed deeply before tucking a strand of dark brown hair behind her ear.

“I was there, Negan.” Sherry said simply, making him instantly realize what she was talking about. “That lie that David spread about her, the one that they slept together, they all heard about it.” She said, referring to the other wives. “They were calling her a slut and a whore. They were bullying her, Frankie especially, and she had every right to hit her. I don’t know if your argument had anything to do with that, but that’s the truth. Ask her friend Jesse or Marie, they’ll tell you the same thing. Goodnight.”

After Sherry had finished her monologue, she exited his room and shut the door tightly behind him. Negan rested his head in his hands again and sighed in frustration. He didn’t need anybody to tell him that you were telling the truth, he knew it. Sherry just relaying it to him made him feel even more like an asshole than before. He desperately needed to apologize to you. It was late, and Negan knew that you were most likely sleeping, so he decided that he would talk to you the next day when he had a chance.

As he stared to get ready to turn in for the night, he went over what Sherry had said to him. He obviously wasn’t very good at hiding what he felt for you, since she and probably many others seemed to notice it. Sherry told him that he couldn’t let you get away if you meant that much to him. Negan took this advice wholeheartedly, and promised himself that he wouldn’t let that happen. Even if it meant that he could only be your friend, he would take it, although he truly longed for more than that.

* * *

The next day was filled with chaos and disorder for Negan. He had barely woken up when somebody was already banging on his door in need of his assistance. There was some trouble coming from one of the settlements they dealt with, which took a lot of brainpower and planning to try and solve. Negan was being passed around from person to person, trying to resolve every issue that he could.

It was late afternoon, almost night fall, and he was completely exhausted. Throughout the entire day, he kept reminding himself that he needed to find you and talk to you. Negan had hoped that you two would cross paths at least once, just so that he could even get a glimpse of you, but you never did. When he was finally able to find some time to himself, he set off to your room to see if that was where you had been hiding.

Once he made it to your hallway, he turned the corner to find Jesse walking past your door. Negan whistled loudly, effectively catching his attention. He held Lucille loosely by his side as he approached him. Jesse looked confused and curious as to why his leader had stopped him. He had never really talked to him before, so there was good cause to be suspicious.

“Um, yeah?” Jesse asked curiously, adjusting his posture to stand up straighter.

“Is she in her room?” Negan asked him simply, watching as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. This made his hand clench slightly as he watched Jesse intently.

“Um, no sir. She went on the run today.” Jesse explained to Negan, making him clench his jaw in anger and frustration. “She said that she asked you. Simon allowed her to go.”

“Well she fucking didn’t ask me.” Negan growled out, making the younger man take a discreet step back. “God damn it. I’ll fucking kill Simon.” He barked to himself mostly before looking back up at Jesse. “As soon as you fucking see her, tell her I need to talk to her.”

At Jesse’s nod of agreement, Negan turned and headed on his way. His face was contorted and filled with disbelief and anger. Everyone that saw him walk by made sure to stay out of his way. He weaved his way through the Sanctuary before finding himself outside. Negan made his way towards the garden, ignoring everyone in his path. He was relieved to find the garden empty.

A part of him had hoped to see you sitting there once again, caressing the sunflowers with the utmost delicacy. Negan sighed and paced towards them, looking down at them from his high point of view. The sunflower that you had dropped on the ground in front of him was now resting on a small table beside his bed. He couldn’t bring himself to throw it away.

Negan gritted his teeth and grunted in frustration. He should have realized sooner that you would have done something like this, because you had every right to. He had been a complete asshole to you, and this was your way to get away from him for a while. Negan wasn’t mad at you, although he probably should have been. Rather, he was mad at Simon. Even if you had told him that you asked Negan to go, Simon still should have made sure to check with him regardless.

He knew that all he could do was wait until you returned, and he would do exactly that. He wouldn’t be going to sleep that night without talking to you. Negan decided that he would wait where he was in the garden, since he would easily be able to hear the vehicles coming back. He found himself continuing to stare down at the sunflowers as he anxiously waited for your safe return.

The sun was beginning to set when he finally heard the sound of engines roaring. Negan eagerly marched out of the garden and towards the front gates where the vehicles entered. His jaw clenched slightly when he noticed many Saviors jumping out of the vehicles looking both concerned and disheveled.

“What the fuck is going on?” Negan barked at them loudly, watching as they all tripped over their words and tried to explain.

Negan ignored their babbling when he saw a Savior, Jack, exit out of one of the cars. His heart skipped a beat when he saw you lying loosely in his arms. You were unconscious, bloody, and obviously extremely injured. Negan felt an overwhelming surge of anger overcome him as he turned to find Simon. Once his eyes landed on him, he marched towards him with a clenched fist. Simon didn’t get to say one word as Negan reached out and swung his first harshly against his face. Everyone took a step back instantly, knowing not to get in Negan’s way.

“You stupid fucking asshole.” Negan sneered at Simon as he stumbled back from the blow. “You let her go when you should have fucking asked me, and look what the fuck happened! I have half a mind not to fucking kill you right now.”

Turning on his heels, Negan ignored the eyes of everyone as he marched over to Jack, who still held you in his arms. He looked you over and felt a painful tug deep inside of him. He didn’t like this at all. No, he absolutely hated seeing you like this. He so desperately wanted to kill Simon, and everyone who had let this happen to you, but he couldn’t. Not at that moment in time, at least.

“What the fuck happened?” Negan asked Jack harshly, watching as he shook his head.

“I-I don’t know sir. We-We found her like that on the ground.” Jack explained to him in fear, watching as the veins in his neck protruded due to anger.

“I’m taking her.” Negan said abruptly, gently but carelessly dropping Lucille onto the ground.

Negan extended both of his arms out, and slid them under your frame, one under your knees and one under your back. He easily lifted you up and away from Jack, and tucked you into him. He glanced over you momentarily before looking back up at Jack.

“Grab Lucille, and fucking follow me.” Negan barked at Jack, watching as he quickly complied.

Everyone in the Sanctuary parted ways for Negan when they saw him coming. They looked down curiously at you lying limply in his arms. He ignored them all and focused on the feeling of your fragile body in his arms. He had longed to hold you like this, but definitely not under these circumstances. Once Negan reached his bedroom, he motioned for Jack to open the door. He stepped inside, with Jack quickly tossing Lucille onto one of the couches and then leaving, slamming the door closed behind him.

Negan quickly walked over to his bed, lifting up his covers as best as he could with you still in his arms. He carefully lied your body down under the blankets, before pulling them over you. He kneeled down beside the bed and stared at you for a moment, wishing that you would open your eyes in that exact moment. Negan needed to go get Dr. Carson, for he had no idea just how bad of shape you were really in, which sent him into an anxious frenzy.

Negan reached his right hand up to gently rest on top of one of yours. He softly stroked your smooth skin before sighing.

_“You’ll be okay angel, I fucking promise.” ___


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Violence

You awoke the morning of the run filled with excitement. A large smile graced your face as soon as you woke up. You hurriedly rushed out of bed, and changed your clothes. Even though you were excited to be going on this run, you had a lingering fear that Negan would find out about your lie before you even left. You knew that it was a bad idea, but you didn’t want to face him to actually ask, and you weren’t positive if he would have even said yes.

After you had gotten changed, you sat back down on your bed to strap on your boots. As you were lacing up your right boot, you heard footsteps approach from down the hall, followed by a knock on your door. Your actions instantly froze, and you found yourself assuming that it was Negan. You figured that he had found out about your lie, and now you would be forced to face him. You held your breath as your door opened, and let out the breath when you heard Jesse’s voice.

“Hey.” Jesse greeted you with a joyful tone, closing your door tightly behind him.

“Hey.” You responded with a smile. “Um, just to let you know, I’m going on the run with Simon today.”

“Oh.” Jesse responded, a slight confusion filling his voice. “Well, you must be in the boss’s good graces if he’s letting you go out there again.” He said with a chuckle. “He did say that you could go, right?”

Your body almost tensed up but you quickly stopped yourself. If Jesse saw any physical signs of nervousness, he would know that something was up. “Yeah, he did. I asked him last night after you left.” You replied firmly.

“Okay.” Jesse responded with complete belief, making you internally sigh in relief. As you finished lacing up your boots, you felt him move to sit on the remaining space next to you.

“I said this last time and I’m gonna say it again, be careful please.” Jesse said exasperated, making you laugh before nodding. “Here, I want you to take my knife with you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his offer. That was the only weapon that was truly Jesse’s, and you wondered why he would give it to you to use. Before you could give him an answer, you heard shuffling. A slight scraping metal sounded in your ears and you knowingly held out your hand. You felt the handle land softly in your outstretched hand and gripped it tightly.

“Why are you giving me your knife?” You asked curiously, moving it to rest carefully on your lap.

“Just for good luck…. and safety obviously.” Jesse responded happily, making you smile widely. You couldn’t even count the many times that you had reminded yourself of how lucky you were to have your best friend.

“I’ll come back safe, Jesse. I promise. I always do.” You responded with confidence. You gently set the knife down behind you and turned to the left to wrap your arms around Jesse in a hug.

He returned the hug instantly. After you let go, you picked the knife back up and stood up from your bed. You turned back towards Jesse. “I don’t know when we’ll be back, but please do not constantly worry about me like you always do.”

He laughed briefly before sighing. “I’ll try, but no promises.” You shook your head with a smile before walking towards your door. You said one last goodbye and left your room to head to the armory.

As you walked down the hallways of the Sanctuary, you had a nagging worry that you would run into Negan. You didn’t want to talk to him right now, and you were also worried that he would catch you in your lie. Picking up your pace slightly, you perked up your ears so that you were able to hear Negan’s heavy footsteps if he was near. Once you reached the armory, you let out a long breath and pushed the doors open, thankful that they were unlocked.

Many different voices filled your ear, and you estimated that there were about 15 people in the room. You realized that you were still holding Jesse’s knife and shook your head at yourself. You leaned down to slide it carefully into your boot. You weren’t as aware as you usually were of your surroundings in that moment, as you stood back up, turned, and instantly collided with a body.

You stumbled back slightly and caught your breath from the scare. An enormous part of you was terrified at the possibility of it being Negan. However, you’d spent enough time around him and had been close enough to him that you would have recognized him as soon as you collided. That made you stop and think about the fact that you could recognize Negan from one small touch. You shook your head to stop your thoughts, and turned to the person that you had slammed into.

“I’m sorry about that. I guess I wasn’t paying attention.” You replied sincerely, hoping that the person took it nicely. You felt relieved when you heard a deep chuckle.

“No, not your fault. It’s fine, just an accident.” A man’s voice whom you didn’t recognize said. “I’m Jack.”

You outstretched your hand to shake his politely in greeting before lowering it back down and introducing yourself. “Nice to meet you Jack…. Um, are you new here?”

“Yeah, I am, well sort of.” Jack responded with a slight excitement in his tone. “I got here about two weeks ago. This is the first run I’ve been on.”

“That’s awesome.” You responded, relieved that you were getting along with someone new. “I’ve only been on one before this, but you’ll do fine.”

“Uh, I don’t mean to offend you or anything, and you can totally punch me in the face but, you’re blind right?” Jack asked you, choosing his words carefully which made you grateful for his concern.

“It’s fine and, yeah.” You chuckled to yourself. “I am.”

“Wow.” Jack responded with amazement and honor in his tone. “And you’re still one of the baddest asses this place has got.”

You immediately burst out laughing and shrugged your shoulders. “I guess so.” You responded teasingly.

“And also one of the most beautiful.” He continued, with a teasing tone of his own.

You immediately lowered your head, but you didn’t find yourself blushing. You just weren’t sure how to react to his compliment, and you didn’t feel the same reaction as when Negan complimented you. An overwhelming surge of annoyance washed over you as you found your thoughts lingering back to him. He was constantly distracting you, and you couldn’t find any way to get him out of your head.

“Charmer.” You simply responded quietly, making Jack let out a hearty laugh. “So… how do you like the Sanctuary so far?” You asked him, changing the subject as fast as you were able to.

“It’s pretty cool. I mean, I’m not exactly sure about our leader but… I’m here.” Jack responded hesitantly, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

“Negan? What.. what do you think about him?” You asked him slowly, suddenly intrigued. It was clear to you that Jack had some mixed feelings about Negan, and you found yourself quite eager to find out what they were.

“Come on, time to go!” Simon’s voice boomed out, interrupting yours and Jack’s current conversation. He didn’t answer your previous question and you instead heard his footsteps pacing away from you.

You didn’t know why it bugged you so much about what Jack thought of Negan. It almost seemed to you that you were defensive over Negan for some reason. It had felt great to finally speak your mind to him, but you didn’t feel so great now. You felt sort of guilty, despite the fact that he practically said that he didn’t believe you. This run was an opportunity to try and get away from your confusing feelings for a while, and you reminded yourself that you couldn’t constantly be thinking about Negan the entire time. That would prove to be somewhat difficult.

You turned on your heels and walked in the direction of everyone’s voices. Jesse’s knife scratched against your boot slightly, reminding you that it was still there. As you climbed into one of the vehicles, you let out a long breath. You had made it this far without Negan finding out, but you wondered how long it would be before he realized that you were gone.

Sitting in the back of one of the cars, you leaned against the cold seat and sighed. There were only two outcomes to this. Either Negan would find out, and be weirdly accepting, or he could completely lash out. All in all, you felt like this run would be worth it in the end. You needed some time to just be free for a while, and not think about everything that was bothering you. However, as you began to reminisce about Negan holding you close while you cried, you realized just how hard that would be.

For the entire ride, you kept to yourself and fiddled absentmindedly with your thumbs. Before you had departed, you had heard that you were going to another nearby town to scavenge. It was the same as the last run you had been on, but you couldn’t bring yourself to complain. At least, being out here was better than nothing.

When the vehicles all came to a halt, you removed the knife in your boot in preparation. You exited the car and carefully made your way over to the other voices. It was a warm day out, with a slight breeze, and it was perfect to you. You had finally convinced yourself that this was an amazing idea. You knew how to handle yourself, you’d be safe, and you’d have your much needed time away.

“Listen up!” Simon’s loud voice boomed, making you flinch slightly out of your thoughts. “Same deal as last time. Split into pairs, you know the drill.”

With that short instruction, you heard multiple footsteps trek off into different directions. Before you could turn to walk a separate direction, a recently familiar voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Hey.” Jack’s voice spoke up. “Wanna be my scavenge buddy? I won’t take no for an answer.” He asked teasingly.

You giggled quietly before sighing and turning towards his voice. “And what if I did say no?”

“Then I’d re-ask you nicely.” Jack responded and you could practically hear him smile. You shook your head in disbelief and motioned outward with your arms. “Lead the way.”

You heard Jack chuckle slightly, followed by his footsteps. As you quietly followed him, you couldn’t help but realize the familiarity of this situation. Not too long ago, you had been in this same position, only following Negan instead. A groan of annoyance left you at the fact that he had weaved his way back into your thoughts. You were worried that Jack had heard it, but kept walking when there was no sign of acknowledgment.

You couldn’t help but let your mind wander back to the run that you had went on with Negan. You had defeated a walker by yourself, and with Lucille. When Negan had found you after, what he had said to you still ran through your head constantly. It made a blush rise to your cheeks every time you thought about it. You couldn’t help but compare those reactions to the ones due to Jack. Jack was nice, but he didn’t really make you blush or shiver in the same way that Negan did.

Halting in your path, you shook your head in disbelief at what you were just thinking. You realized you were completely unaware of your surroundings when Jack had to call out to you multiple times. You began to pick up your pace to make up the lost space. You stopped in your tracks when Jack’s footsteps ceased. A creak rang through your ears as Jack pushed open a door, and entered. You followed suit with your knife still placed firmly in your hand.

After you entered, the door slammed shut behind you. You made sure to keep a hold on the knife as you perked up your ears for any signs of walkers. You didn’t know what type of store you were in, but you knew that you had to start scavenging like last time. You were about to start searching when you heard Jack clear his throat and begin to speak.

“That’s a cool knife. Where did you get one like that?” Jack asked you curiously, excitement filling his voice. “May I see it?”

“Oh.” You said, palming it in your hand. You reached it out in front of you and felt Jack take it from your grasp. “It’s my best friends knife. I’m not sure where he got it, but he gave it to me to use today.”

After that, it was silent for a few moments. You felt like Jack was staring straight through your soul, and you were put slightly on edge. It probably would have been better to hold onto your knife, but Jack was harmless to your best knowledge. He was simply admiring a knife, and you told yourself that it was no big deal.

“So, you asked me about Negan earlier, and I never got a chance to answer you.” Jack spoke up, making you tense up slightly and listen intently. “Frankly, I think he’s a complete piece of shit.”

Your jaw snapped open momentarily before you forcefully closed it. Jack had said that with such a venomous tone, and it made you take a discreet step backwards. It made you angry, how Jack was completely disregarding Negan like that without even knowing him. It was at that moment that you realized how defensive you had truly become of Negan.

“He- Everything he does isn’t the best, per say, but he- he does everything he can to keep everyone safe.” You responded calmly, surprised at your immediate defense of Negan.

Jack began to burst out laughing. You took another small step back but heard him take a small step forward in return. “The only fucking thing he’s good at is ruining other people’s lives.”

You shook your head in disbelief at what was happening. It had become clear to you that Jack wasn’t who seemed at first. You internally slapped yourself for being so stupid. He had made a point in getting you two alone, and you had stupidly handed your knife over to him. You knew that you needed to get away from him as soon as you could, and fast.

“Jack, what the hell is wrong with you?” You asked him in disbelief, taking some more steps backwards, hoping that you would reach the door soon.

“Oh, you poor, innocent little thing.” Jack muttered sarcastically, closing the gap between the two of you.

You didn’t have any time to react as Jack grabbed you forcefully by the waist and spun you around. His right arm lifted up and he pulled your back harshly into his chest. The cold metal of your best friends knife glided across the skin of your neck. Your body froze as you found a horrible familiarity in this situation. You fought to hold back the frustrated and fearful tears that were threatening to spill out.

“You know, I really thought you’d be fucking smart enough to not hand over your knife to a complete stranger.” Jack hissed harshly in your ear, pressing the knife closer to your skin and making you tense. “Apparently, I was wrong.”

“What the hell do you want, asshole?” You spat out, tapping into the confidence still flowing through your veins.

Jack laughed loudly in your ear, causing you to grimace and shake in his hold. “I want Negan dead.” He hissed, making your breath hitch. “There’s no better way to weaken him, make him vulnerable, then to hurt the one thing that he actually cares about.”

“He doesn’t- This won’t-” You stumbled on your words, losing focus as the knife pressed slightly further into your skin. You were trying to justify how this wouldn’t affect Negan in any way, but you couldn’t find the right words to say.

“I’ve been watching for long enough, it’s not hard to fucking tell that you two have the hots for each other.” Jack spoke harshly into your ear. “It’s quite disgusting, actually. But, if you’re what it takes to tick him off, then so be it.”

You let your instincts take over, and bent your head down towards the hand that held the knife to your neck. You forcefully bit down onto Jack’s hand, making the knife drop and scatter on the floor. He immediately withdrew his hand from you and sputtered multiple curses and groans of pain. You frantically dropped to the floor in search of the knife, and began to panic when you couldn’t find it.

A scream of agony ripped through you as you felt your hair being tugged harshly. Your body slammed backwards onto the cold ground. A surge of pain ran through your spine and you knew that there would be bruises from the impact. You scrambled up as fast as you could, using Jack’s voice as a guide. You immediately swung out your fist, sighing in relief with it collided harshly with his face. Turning around, you ran for the direction in which you were positive that the door was in.

“Oh hell fucking no.” Jack growled out, grabbing onto your arm before you had the chance to reach the door. He pulled you back, and forcefully swung you against one of the shelves.

Your head collided harshly with the side of it, and you immediately felt blood trickling on your skin. You fell back onto the ground as you felt yourself becoming weaker. Another loud scream ripped through you when you felt the knife slice into a small patch of skin of your stomach exposed by your ruffled shirt. You felt your hands shake as your head lolled to each side. You tried to move to stand up, but you physically couldn’t. There was nothing you could do as you lied there and fell into a deep unconsciousness.

* * *

The warmth of the sun flowed over you as you felt your eyes begin to flutter. You were utterly confused for a moment, until everything came rushing back to you. Jack had attacked you, and knocked you unconscious. You didn’t know how long you had been out, but you assumed it was a while due to the throbbing pain lingering in your head.

You tried your best to sit up and felt your skin rub against a soft fabric. You reached your hands out to stretch across it, and found it unfamiliar. This certainly wasn’t your bed, so who’s was it? You continued with your attempt to sit up, and felt a sharp pain in your back and stomach.

“Angel.” A familiar and soothing voice spoke out, making your whole body freeze. You had spent so much time trying to get away from him, and trying to stop thinking about him. Now he was here, and you found yourself being comforted with his presence in the aftermath of what had happened. It was safe to say that you were happy to be in his presence at that moment.

_“You’re awake.”_


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language, Negan Being a Ball of Fluff (not really a warning but whatever lol)

“You’re awake.” 

It was as if every single thing you were feeling and had endured in such little time flooded over you in an instant. The sound of Negan’s voice brought tears to your eyes as you longed for his comfort. Since you knew you weren’t in your room, you put together the conclusion that you were now in Negan’s room. You felt the bed dip next to you and felt his closeness through his warmth. 

“You scared the everloving shit out of me, angel. It’s been almost a day. I thought you were never gonna wake up.” 

Within a few seconds of processing his voice, you leaned forward as quickly as you could, ignoring the pain, and threw your arms around him. Negan instantly wrapped his long arms around you as you buried your face into his jacket. His familiar scent of pine and leather filled you senses. The coolness of the leather against your skin soothed you, but not as much as him. Even though you tried your best to silently cry, a few choked whimpers escaped from your lips. 

As you sat there, once again crying in Negan’s arms, your mind suddenly reeled back to the fight that you had. You were just so overwhelmed to be away from Jack, you had thrown yourself into Negan’s comfort forgetting the fact that you were still angrier than all hell with him. At the thought, you quickly unwrapped his arms from around you and scooted back further on the bed. 

You heard Negan let out a quiet but still audible sigh. Trying your best to divert your attention away from him, you lifted your hand up to your head. There was a small bandage which covered the cut from your encounter with Jack. It was then that you realized that your entire head was throbbing in pain. You groaned quietly and held your head for a moment. 

Reaching down to move the covers off of you slightly, you pulled up your shirt gently. You carefully felt your stomach and didn’t put too much pressure as your hand found the large bandage protecting the knife wound. Your best friend’s knife. That bastard had actually used your best friend’s knife to stab you. You needed to tell Negan, but you were nervous. Nervous that Jack would find out, and partly nervous that Negan might not believe you. 

“Why didn’t you believe me?” You opened your mouth and decided on saying that all in an instant. “About hitting Frankie.” You needed to work on one dilemma at a time. 

“I do believe you.” Negan’s response rang out rather quickly, leaving you in confusion. “I believed you from the very first fucking second. Sherry came to me and confirmed what I already knew.” 

You anxiously tugged on the covers, tapped your nails, and gritted your teeth together. “Then why did you say you couldn’t?” 

“Because I’m a fucking asshole.” Negan barked out, making you flinch ever so lightly. By his loud sigh, you knew he saw it. You felt the bed rise slightly as Negan’s footsteps began to pace back and forth. 

“Because for some reason, I made my fucking ego and reputation more important than you.” Negan drawled on, his voice firm with every ounce of seriousness behind it. “All these people were just fucking assuming I’d be on Frankie’s side. I was fucking scared. Okay, angel? I was fucking scared that both them and I would realize how much I care about you.” 

After Negan finished his rambling, you found your mouth hanging slightly open in astonishment. You had absolutely no idea what to say. You had no idea who the hell was standing in front of you at that moment, because it certainly wasn’t Negan. At least, a side of him you’d never seen before. 

Negan had literally just admitted straight to you that he cared about you. You could feel his gaze piercing into you, but you found yourself sat frozen in shock. You took a deep breath and opened your mouth to try and get any words out, but nothing happened. 

A loud knock sounded on the door. You sighed in relief as Negan let out a loud huff of annoyance. You heard his footsteps march heavily towards the door before it whipped open. The voice that then flooded throughout the room made your blood boil, your muscles tense, and your fear heighten. 

“I brought some pain killers. Figured she might need them.” Jack said, receiving a small grunt in response. 

“Hope you feel better, sweetheart.”

The anger and frustration built up inside of you as Jack made his exit. It became obvious to you that Negan had no idea what had really happened to you. You desperately needed to tell him, but you were worried for your own safety. The last time you had stood up for yourself ended up in a nightmare you never wanted to relive.

The door slammed shut and you then felt a bottle of pills land lightly in your lap. There was no way in hell you were going to take any of them. Jack had probably got them from Dr. Carson, but who knows what the hell he could have done to them or traded them for before he gave them to you. You knew he wanted to hurt you or even kill you, because of Negan, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to blame the man standing beside you, and that scared the hell out of you. 

“You should probably take some of those, angel.” Negan sighed, his boots shuffling slightly. “I’m sure you have a hell of a fucking headache.” 

“I’m not taking them.” You growled out harshly, not recognizing your own voice. 

“Angel..” Negan trailed off, and you could tell from the hesitation in his voice that you had thrown him off guard. 

“I said I’m not taking any!” You yelled at the top of your lungs, picking up the pill bottle from your lap and hurling it in whichever direction. The sound of the pills rattling around harshly as they slammed into the wall filled the room. The rage that had built up inside of you had finally boiled over. 

You leaned your head down and held it in your shaking hands. A sob you couldn’t control even if you wanted to wracked through your body. The bed dipped next to you once again, and you felt Negan lingering close to you. You were shocked out of your sobs when you felt Negan’s hand lightly grip your chin. His skin brushing against yours caused a shiver to course down your spine. 

With his rough but gentle hand, he tilted your chin up so your head was facing straight again. You put your arms back down beside you. It was a moment of silence before you felt Negan’s thumb move from your chin to reach up and wipe a stray tear that had landed on your cheek. 

“It was him, wasn’t it?” 

Your breath caught in your throat at Negan’s question. He knew. You hadn’t even said anything, and he knew that Jack had something to do with your condition. You knew he was smart, and you were extremely thankful for that in this moment. It would save you the trouble and fear of telling him yourself. 

When you took a deep breath, the pain in your abdomen ripped through your body. The pain in your back, which you were positive was covered in bruises, became more prominent. The pounding in your head felt like someone was repeatedly slamming it into a brick wall, and the mental exhaustion that you felt was excruciating. 

To respond to Negan’s question, you didn’t trust your voice in that moment, so you nodded instead. You felt a few more tears fall down your cheeks as silence filled the room. You scolded yourself for internally whining when Negan moved his hand away from your chin. There was clearly something wrong with you. 

“That fucking bastard.” The harsh growl in Negan’s voice made goosebumps erupt all over your skin. 

“That fucker tried to tell me that he thought you fell on a piece of glass when anybody with any fucking common sense can see that’s a knife wound.” Negan growled out, working through his anger. 

A sudden and possibly helpful thought burst into your mind. “Jesse’s knife.” You whispered. “I was s-so stupid, I gave h-him Jesse’s knife. He- stabbed me with it. He probably still has it.” 

You were brought out of your revelation when you felt Negan’s hand return to the soft skin of your face, this time resting on your cheek. Your head involuntarily leaned closer to his hand and you internally scolded yourself. 

It truly amazed you how fast you had let yourself practically fall into Negan. You had survived a deadly car crash that forced you to live throughout most of your childhood without seeing any of it. You had survived when your mother, who you always believed was a miracle since she survived breast cancer, was killed by a walker. You had survived for so long in the damn zombie apocalypse while blind. There was so much that you had been through, so it confused the hell out of you how quickly one person could you make you weak-kneed and leave you swooning with little to no effort. 

Despite your inner scolding, you let your head fall deeper into Negan’s touch. You were still confused as hell over him and what you were feeling, but you decided to let yourself live in this moment and figure it out later. Negan’s thumb softly glided against your soft skin again, and you let out a deep sigh. 

“You need to be careful.” You found yourself saying, astonished at your involuntary protectiveness of him. Negan’s hand didn’t move from your face, but it stilled for a moment. 

“Why’s that, angel?” Negan asked quietly, clearly interested and both concerned in what you had to say. 

You inhaled deeply. “Jack. H-He told me that h-he wants you dead.” You whispered the last word. “He said t-that I was the only thing you care about. He did this to get your attention.” 

After you had finished speaking, Negan’s hand left your face, but you felt it lingering close. He let out another loud sigh, and you heard the unmistakable sound of his hand scratching against his beard. It fell silent again, and it lasted a lot longer this time. You felt yourself almost falling asleep until Negan’s voice jolted you from your drowsiness. 

“I’m sorry.” Negan said firmly, and out of thin air. “That’s not something I say a whole hell of a fucking lot, but... I’m sorry, angel. For making you feel like shit about Frankie, and for this.” 

You weren’t sure what to say, and you didn’t think you should say anything. You decided on reaching out to find Negan’s hand atop the covers. When you did, you simply rested yours on top of his. You then understood what he meant when he said earlier that he was scared others would find out that he cared about you. If they knew, they could very well use it to their advantage, just like Jack had done. 

“I’m gonna make sure he never fucking sees the light of day again, angel.” Negan growled out, although it was quieter than usual. 

You didn’t say anything in response, you knew not to poke the bear when it was angry. Negan was furious, and you knew there was absolutely no stopping him. You nearly slapped yourself when you found yourself realizing that you wanted Jack dead too. You wanted to punch yourself when you realized that you wanted it more to keep Negan safe than yourself. 

* * *

It was nearing the end of that same day. Negan had brought you something to eat, and then left. You had a good idea of where he was, but you didn’t think about it a lot. Negan had made it clear that he didn’t want you to leave his room at all, so you were currently stuck. You had gotten out of his bed a little while ago, and despite the lingering pain, wandered around his room. 

You could feel a little bit of heat and followed it to the edge of the room, where you reached your hand up and felt the cool glass of a window. A frantic knock rattled the door, startling you as you pulled your hand away from the window. Your mind instantly jumped to the conclusion that it was Jack behind the door, so you stayed put. 

When you heard Jesse and Marie’s voices, you sighed in relief. You followed the sound of the continuous knocking and reached for the doorknob. You twisted it open and found yourself being smothered in a hug within ten seconds. You instantly recognized it as Jesse, and threw your arms around him in return. 

“Why can’t you stay out of trouble?” Jesse laughed in your ear, causing a small giggle to escape you. 

“It’s in my blood.” You responded cheekily as you pulled away from the hug. 

Jesse placed a gentle kiss on your forehead before you felt another pair of arms wrap around you. You returned Marie’s hug gratefully. She was such a sweet girl. You were so happy that your best friend had eyes for her, and you were just as happy to call her your friend as well. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Marie said after you both released from the hug. You smiled in return, overwhelmed with the love from your friends. 

“Do you guys know where Negan is?” You asked curiously. 

“Yeah.” Jesse responded. “He was down near the armory. He told us we could come see you, but he seemed pretty damn angry at something.” 

You inhaled deeply. “Where’s Jack?” 

“Jack? Why do you want to know? ” Marie rebutted curiously. “Nobody told you?” 

Your breath hitched in your throat at her panicked and confused tone. You then realized that neither of them knew that Jack was the real reason behind your injuries. Negan hadn’t told them, and you were relieved. You didn’t want to get Jesse and Marie involved and possibly put them in danger. There was absolutely no way that you could tell them. 

“No. Nobody’s been in here. What? What is it?” 

_“Jack’s gone.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Xeyris, thesolowolf, SevenRuby, MultiFandomedFreak123, Beanzjellly, jasoncrouse, ngome055 and all of the guests who left kudos!
> 
> This story has received so much love and you have all motivated me so much to continue. Updates will be unscheduled, but I will do my best to keep this story afloat.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language

“Jack’s gone.”

At Marie’s explanation, it felt as if the world had stopped spinning around you. You found it hard to breathe, and stood there in front of your best friends frozen in shock while wondering exactly what that meant. It was an extremely ominous two-word sentence that lingered in the air as you attempted to put the mush of your brain back together. 

“What- what do you mean.. gone?” You asked incredulously. “Like.. dead?” 

“No, no, no.” Marie answered your question rather quickly, and you found yourself wishing that it was a different answer. “He left. He stole some food, weapons, ammo, and took off.” 

This newfound information practically shook you to the core. You were utterly confused. Why would Jack do that much damage to you to lure Negan closer to him, if he was just going to up and leave? Jack’s entire goal was to kill Negan. You were trying to figure out what motives he would have for leaving, when you came to an idea that made complete sense the more you thought about it. 

“You said that Negan was near the armory when you saw him, right?” You asked suddenly, your voice full of determination. 

“Yeah. Why?” Jesse asked you in response, his tone dripping in curiosity. 

“I need to ask him something.” You replied quickly, trying your best not to stumble over your words. 

“Umm. You should probably stay in bed. Whatever it is, I can ask him for you.” Jesse responded sweetly, complete concern behind his voice. Bless his heart, you thought. 

“Wait! Wait a minute.” Marie interrupted the current conversation by slighting raising her voice. 

“Speaking of Negan, isn’t it a little strange that he brought you to his room instead of yours or even Dr. Carson’s office?” Marie asked, seemingly dumbfounded. “And the fact that he even let us in here? He doesn’t just let anyone in his room, not even..” 

The curt pause in Marie’s sentence was easy enough for everyone in the room to fill. You knew she meant his wives. You hadn’t really ever thought about it before, but you had only ever ran into the wives in the dining area, and sometimes passed their lounge. You’d never heard of any of them going into his room, which made you wonder why he had let you in so easily. 

“I don’t know.” You responded to Marie’s previous question sharply. “Anyway, I’m gonna go find him.” 

“No way.” Jesse responded instantly. “You’re clearly still in pain, peach. You’re healing, and you should probably rest.” 

Even though you knew your best friend was just looking out for you, you weren’t going to listen to him. Yes, you were still in pain, but you desperately needed to talk to Negan about Jack. You couldn’t tell Marie and Jesse what you really needed to find Negan for, so you were stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

“Jesse, I need to talk to him. I can walk. I’m fine. I can get there.” You responded, making your voice loud and clear with each statement.

Jesse let out an exasperated sigh, and you knew you had won. “Fine, but at least let us walk you down there. You look a little pale and shaky. I don’t want you falling or passing out and hurting yourself even more.” 

“Ok. Let’s go.” You said curtly, your voice full of triumph. You turned to head towards the door when you heard Marie clear her throat. 

“You should probably put your boots on.” Marie said with a quiet giggle at the end. 

You heard a thud next to you and assumed your boots had landed there. “Probably.” You responded with a small laugh of your own. 

After sitting on the edge of Negan’s bed to pull your boots on, you, Jesse, and Marie left his room to venture to the armory. It was silent in the hallways except for the soft sound of the three of you breathing. Now that you were walking, you could feel even more pain shoot through your abdomen, but said nothing. 

You weren’t paying as much attention as you should have but you knew exactly when you reached the armory. You heard loud, shrill voices and tons of other mixed noises behind the doors. A part of you was fearful that Negan had already left to track down Jack, but the fear subsided when you were able to pick out his bellowing voice among many others. 

“Thank you.” You said softly to Jesse and Marie, who both gave you an affectionate kiss on the cheek. 

Leaving them behind, you walked forward to push open the large doors to the armory. It became significantly quieter after the doors shut behind you, but not completely silent. You could only imagine what you looked like, probably a walking nightmare. You felt like complete shit, and could only assumed that you looked the part as well. 

You could no longer hear Negan’s voice, but assumed his position when you heard his familiar rough footsteps. Turning towards them, you walked a few steps forward to try and get to him faster. You stopped when you felt his prescience towering over you. Everyone in the room was quietly talking in the background, but you knew for sure that they were all going to eavesdrop.

“What are you doing out of bed, angel?” Negan’s voice was tinged with both concern and worry. 

“I need you.” You responded instantly, practically gasping when you realized how that sounded. It made your face feel flush with embarrassment, and you tried your best to snap out of it. 

“Well shit, did you miss me that much, princess?” He asked in return. You could practically hear him smirking. 

Practically combusting at the seams, you felt your knees buckle slightly, but blamed it on your injuries. You tried your best to ignore the way ‘princess’ sent a shiver down your spine.

“I’m serious, Negan. I need to talk to you.” 

“Come on.” Negan said after a moment of silence. His long arm wrapped around your waist to guide you alongside him. 

As you left the armory, you heard the chatter pick up. You suspected that they were talking about you. You nearly stopped in your tracks when you felt Negan use his arm to pull you closer into his side. You followed alongside him, fighting the urge to lean your head onto him. His tall, lean body pressed tightly against yours once again had your head spinning. You were both upset and relieved when he stopped in his tracks and let go of you to push open a door. You followed him inside and heard it shut behind you. You weren’t sure where you were, but you could tell that you were alone. 

“What were you doing in the armory?” You asked him curiously, listening as he paced slightly. 

“Seeing how much ammo and which weapons that prick stole. I was about to go find him before-“ 

“You can’t.” You interrupted him sternly, taking a few steps forward. “You can’t go out there alone.” 

“Angel, I’m be perfectly damn fine by myself.” Negan responded, his voice calm but firm. 

“I know you can take care of yourself.” You responded, “But you can’t go there alone. The whole reason Jack hurt me was to get to you. He wants to kill you, that’s why he left, you idiot. He knows you’re stubborn enough to go out there by yourself. You’re alone, you don’t see him coming, he sees you coming, and you’re dead.” You took a breath after practically rushing your thoughts out. 

“I’m not gonna tell you not to go after him, Negan. Just please don’t go alone.” You finally finished, the last sentence becoming a whisper, but you knew that he had heard it.

His footsteps ceased and the room became silent. This was one of those situations you dreaded when you had no idea what to do. You simply stood there for a minute in silence before you heard the slight scuff of Negan’s boot. Before you could even wonder what he was doing, you felt his long arms wrap around you once again and pull you into his chest. You were almost frozen in shock before you wrapped your arms around him to return the hug. 

This was probably the 20th time you two had hugged in the past day. Okay, maybe you were exaggerating a bit, but Negan’s not someone who just gives out hugs like this. As you leaned your head against Negan’s chest, you found Simon’s words replaying in your head. ‘You must be special.’ It shook you to the core when you realized that Simon had seen it way before you had. Why did Negan care about you so much? You couldn’t figure it out. 

“I won’t go alone, angel. I promise.” Negan muttered, but you heard him loud and clear. 

“I’m going with you.” You responded, unwillingly pulling away from his warmth full hug. 

“No fucking way.” 

“Negan-“ 

“Angel.” 

“I’m coming with you.” You responded through gritted teeth, a slight anger building up inside of you. 

Jack had nearly killed you. He hit you, threw you around, stabbed you, and you wanted to be there when he got what he deserved. A part of you wanted to even kill him yourself. You swore to yourself that you would stand there all day until Negan would come around. 

“Now tell me one good reason why I should let you go out there with the fucking condition you’re in, angel?” Negan’s words were condescending, but his soft tone contradicted them. 

“I’m sick of people pushing me around. I’m sick of being beat on, harassed, and looked down on just because I’m blind. Jack tried to kill me, in case you didn’t remember, and he wants to kill you too.” You took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve been through too much shit in my life to just let people walk all over me. You and I are both in danger right now. I want to go out there, and I want him dead. If you don’t kill him, I’ll do it myself.” 

You barely recognized the pit of rage you had quickly just become, but you felt proud. Of yourself, and the strength that you still had inside of you. You could almost hear your mother whispering in your ear ‘You are strong, you are brave, you are worth it.’ 

“Oh, and trust me, I can be just as stubborn as you. I’ll stand here all day until you let me come with you.” You finished, maintaining your stance. 

“Well holy fucking shit.” Negan drawled out, a grin hidden behind his voice. “If I’m not hard as a fucking rock right now.”

There goes strong and stubborn right out the window and here comes shy and flustered, you thought. You simply stood there, hoping you didn’t look like too much of an idiot with your wobbly knees and jaw almost on the floor. You hated the way your stomach churned whenever he said things like that, because it always did it in a good way. 

“I told you that’s why I like you, angel. Strong as shit and not afraid to bust some balls whenever you need to.” Negan continued on playfully. “But I still don’t know if you should go.” 

“Ughh.” You practically growled out in response, finding a way to form thoughts while still being flustered. 

“I can take care of myself. Even if, you’ll be there, you could bring Simon and some others too if you’re that worried.” You tried to bargain with him. 

When you received no answer, you sighed in frustration. “Oh my god. What do I do have to do to get you to let me come with you? Get on my knees and beg?” 

You instantly regretted saying that the moment it left your mouth. You knew it would only leave you flooded with embarrassment. What was it with you and unknowingly saying sexual innuendos that only egged him on? _Shut up, you do it on purpose._ No I don’t. 

“Well that would certainly be pretty damn persuasive, angel.” Negan taunted, making you cheeks feel flush. “But I’ll let you go, but I’m bringing you to Carson first and if he says you shouldn’t go, then you’re not. Deal?” 

“Deal.” You nodded in response, feeling triumphant in your task.

“Ok. Let’s go, angel, before I change my mind.” 

Feeling suddenly devious and confident, you replied. “I’m sure I could think of a way to change it back.” 

Negan inhaled a sharp breath and nearly choked on it, making you laugh internally. You honestly had no idea what had come over you, but you realized that it was quite fun to tease him like he did to you. 

_“I’ll keep that in mind, angel.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to theworldisugly22, NotNatural019, allebiouqruop, ScarletConductor, writehavoc, RoyalSinner, salice89, Havenlyfics, Xeyris, thesolowolf, SevenRuby, MultiFandomedFreak123, Beanzjellly, jasoncrouse, and ngome055 and all of the guests who left kudos!
> 
> Please consider supporting my writing and buy me a coffee: https://ko-fi.com/A5623OU0


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language

“I’m sorry dear, but I don’t really think you should be going out there in your condition.” Dr. Carson’s humble voice seemed to pierce through your ears. 

He had assessed your wounds and asked you how you felt, but still didn’t feel content with agreeing to your request to leave the building. You breathed deeply in an attempt to bury your frustrations. It had been somewhat easy to break through to Negan, but you knew Dr. Carson would be harder to crack. He always put his patients first no matter what, so you knew it would take a lot of convincing. 

“I’m fine, Dr. Carson. I can do it.” You replied firmly, shifting your weight slightly. The medical bed squeaked underneath you as you did so. 

“With all due respect, you were stabbed.” Dr. Carson did his best to enunciate each word in an attempt to get his point across. “You passed out, you were out for days. You have bruises, wounds. You just woke up, and I’m not sure running back out there is going to help you much.” 

“As fucked up as it sounds, I’ve been through worse.” You immediately responded, hardly even realizing that you had cursed. 

A thought came upon you that by spending so much time around Negan, you had probably inherited his colorful vocabulary without even realizing it. Speaking of, ever since you had entered the medical office, it had only been yours and Dr. Carson’s voice debating back and forth. You knew Negan was still there. You could feel him, and you often felt his stare piercing into you. It was out of character for him to be so quiet, but you tried not to overthink it. 

It was silent for only about 15-20 seconds but for you, it seemed to last even longer. Dr. Carson cleared his throat, a habit most people carry in awkward situations. You heard Negan’s large frame shuffle around and then a few footsteps in your direction. His closer presence seemed to calm you a little bit, and you took another deep breath. 

“I’ll take the pain medicine so I’m not sore.” You cut through the silence. “I’ll be careful. I’ll look out for myself. I’ll change my bandage if I need to. Negan will be there. He can look out for me too. So can everyone else. I want- I need to do this.” You finished your mini-monologue, hoping that you were starting to get through even the smallest bit. 

“Why didn’t you take the pain medicine Jack brought to you?” Dr. Carson’s voice was dripping with curiosity, but it was a question you’d rather not answer. 

You felt your body involuntarily tense, and your stomach felt like it would fall out of you if you attempted to answer. It was then that Negan spoke for the first time since you entered the room. He knew exactly why you didn’t want to answer that question, and you were thankful. 

“No offense doc, but it’s not your fucking business why she didn’t take them.” Negan semi-growled out, his footsteps directing towards Dr. Carson. “She says she’ll fucking take them, so let her fucking take them.”

The harsh gulp from Dr. Carson was almost completely audible. It was no secret that a lot of people were terrified of Negan. He was quite an intimidating man. He was freakishly tall, dominant, persuasive, controlling, and always seemed to get his way. When Negan directed his anger at someone or something that was a danger to you, it never seemed to frighten you at all. 

“I’ll let you go.“ Dr. Carson seemed to have come to a decision. “I’ll give you some more painkillers and a few bandages. Wait until morning to take some medicine, and bring the rest with you. Take it as easy as you can. Okay?” 

You nodded in affirmation, relieved that he had agreed to let you go. However, you had a feeling that his decision was majorly influenced by a certain intimidating man with a baseball bat. You heard shuffling and then felt Dr. Carson place a pill bottle and some bandages beside you. You picked them up and held tightly onto them. 

“I know you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but please take it as easy as you can.” Dr. Carson assured you in a constant tone. 

“Make sure you keep a close eye on her. Don’t let her overdo it.” He then addressed Negan. 

“Course I will.” Negan replied adamantly. “I’m not letting her out of my damn sight.” 

You knew better than to argue with Negan over that. Hopping down off the table, you thanked Dr. Carson and then left, bandages and medicine tightly in your hand. Negan trailed behind you, but his long legs and large strides allowed him to easily catch up to you. You felt him walking closely next to you. You felt a strange desire to reach out and grab his arm, or even hold his hand. You mentally scolded yourself and kept walking. 

“Angel.” After a few minutes, Negan’s voice broke through your thoughts, making you stop in your tracks. You realized he had stopped a little ways behind you, and turned to face his voice. 

“You gonna keep strolling right by your room?” Negan’s voice was laced with, most likely, a smug grin. You could always tell when he was grinning from ear to ear by the slight shift in pitch and the usual small chuckle. 

You knew by heart how to get to your room from every direction possible. However, you were so busy thinking about holding Negan’s hand that you completely missed your room. Sighing in embarrassment, you walked towards Negan and reached out for your doorknob. You pushed it open to walk inside and heard Negan follow you. 

“Are you sure you want to do this, angel?” His usual harsh and gruff tone was now softer and more worrisome. 

“Yes. I’m positive.” You responded with the utmost confidence in both yourself and your decision. “I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Negan sighed deeply. “I hope you have some sweet ass dreams, angel. But only if they’re about me.” His tone quickly shifted from concerned to playful and teasing. 

You couldn’t fight the blush that rose to your cheeks or the smile that painted your lips. This man made you so utterly confused. He could make you cry, laugh, blush, and smile all in a matter of minutes. In that moment, you were able to finally admit to yourself that you undeniably had an enormous crush on Negan. That both excited and scared the hell out of you. 

“Goodnight, Negan.”

* * *

The next morning, you felt strangely content when you awoke, but only for a few short moments. Your seemingly positive mood was ruined as everything that had happened in the past few days came flooding back into your mind. The slight pain in your back and the soreness of the stab wound in your stomach became more prominent. A part of you wanted to say screw it and stay in bed, but the larger part of you told yourself to get the hell up and fight through the pain. 

You listened to the larger part and slowly crawled your way out of your comfortable-enough bed. Walking towards your small dresser, you found your small backpack on top of it that you had packed the previous night. You reached in to grab your painkillers, and tossed two of them into your mouth. You really hoped they would help lessen the pain, because you refused to have Negan and Dr. Carson say I told you so. 

After you had taken your pills and changed into a comfortable outfit for the day, you sat on the edge of your bed and began to ponder. You needed to change your bandage, but you couldn’t do it by yourself. You thought you’d be able to, but as you though more about it, it didn’t seem completely plausible. 

The obvious factor, you wouldn’t be able to see what you were doing. You had learned from Dr. Carson when you first arrived to his office the previous day that he had stitched up your knife wound. If you made one wrong jerk of your hand in the wrong direction, you could potentially rip or tear your stitches. Plus, with the pain in your back and the wound, you didn’t want to over exert yourself so early and be in even more pain. 

You first thought of asking Jesse or Marie to help you. However, you weren’t sure where they would be and you figured that searching for them would be a waste of time and potentially cause you to run late. Your next option was Dr. Carson, but you were already in pain, and you didn’t want him to notice. It’s a lot harder to convince a doctor than an average person that you’re not in pain. 

That only left you with one more option, the one that you both liked and hated. You had never really liked asking people for help before, but this was a time when you really needed to. Negan was the last person you wanted to look weak in front of. You thought and pondered and convinced yourself that needing help changing a bandage didn’t make you weak. You were honestly more nervous for the moment that his hands would touch your skin. 

Before you could chicken out, you grabbed your backpack, slipped on your shoes, and left your room. You started on the familiar path towards Negan’s room, your stomach churning all the while. You were nervous to be in his room again but you didn’t understand why. Hell, you were lying in his bed unconscious for more than 24 hours. Your overthinking tendencies got the best of you the whole way to your destination. You found yourself standing outside of Negan’s bedroom door, hearing both his unmistakable voice and Simon’s behind it. 

Before you could talk yourself out of it or overthink it some more, you raised your hand up the door and knocked loudly. Both your mind and body froze, and you wondered if you should just turn around and run. That thought became impossible as the door was whipped open, causing a slight breeze that you felt shift your hair the smallest bit. 

“Hey, look who it is. Good morning, pumpkin.” Simon’s boisterous voice filled your ears. 

“Hi, Simon.” You gave a small smile in response. “Are you coming with us?” 

“Sure am.” Simon responded, seeming way too cheery. You had no idea how he was always so full of energy. You guessed it was a good thing though, at least someone seemed happy. 

“Um..” You started nervously. “Can I.. talk to Negan for a few minutes? Alone?” 

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll head outside and meet you both out there.” Simon responded. You nodded in response and felt him gently brush by you and leave. 

Entering Negan’s room, you shut the door behind you tightly. You could feel his stare once again piercing into you, making you even more nervous than you already were. You walked until you felt one of the leather couches, and tossed your backpack onto it, sitting down immediately after. You knew Negan was on the opposite one, his breathing and shuffling gave his location away. 

“Good morning, pumpkin.” Negan greeted you, teasingly. Your eyebrows furrowed but then realized that had been what Simon had just called you. You smiled inwardly. 

“You sound jealous.” You responded, feeling a sudden burst of confidence chime through you. You didn’t know what it was about Negan, but being around him always made you feel more confident. 

“You think so?” Negan responded incredulously, shifting forward slightly. “Well he can fucking call you pumpkin all he damn wants, but you’re my angel.” 

At that moment, you swore that you were going to do one of two things. You would either melt into a puddle right on his floor, or you would float away on cloud nine. Your felt your heart fluttering, your stomach, churning, and your cheeks hurting. _Yeah, you were in deep._

“Can you...” You started to say, trying to quickly shift topics so you didn’t literally die from swooning so hard. “Can you change my bandage for me? I would do it myself, but I don’t want to.. rip the stitches, or anything.” 

“Were you really nervous to ask me that?” Negan chuckled, clearly having caught on to your nerves. “You’re cute as fucking shit. Of course I’ll help you.” _Yep, you were going to die._

You grabbed a fresh bandage from your backpack and placed them on the table in front of you. As you did so, you heard Negan retreat from his seat and walk away. There was the unmistakable sound of water running and you assumed that he was getting something to clean around your stitches. You sighed and tapped your fingers on your knees while waiting for him to come back. 

When you heard his footsteps and then felt him beside you, you shivered. The wound was on your right side, and Negan had placed himself there. You assumed he was kneeling to be able to reach the wound whereas you were sitting. Taking a small but calming breath, you lifted the hem of your shirt up to reveal your bandaged wound. To make it easier, you tucked your shirt up underneath your arm so it didn’t slip down and be in the way. 

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt Negan’s warm hand gently touch your cold skin. His hand was rough, but strangely comforting, and you found yourself once again wanting to reach out and hold it. 

Negan was silent, besides his steady breathing, as he pulled off the old bandage wrapped around your wound. It was more painful than you thought it would be, and you clenched your fists to try and relieve the pain. As much as you tried to hide it, a painful whimper escaped you, making Negan’s actions stop. 

Without thinking, without breathing, without blinking, without any hesitation, you reached out your left hand in search of Negan’s. Once you found his hand, you gripped it tightly, trying to even your breathing. 

Once the bandage was off, you didn’t let go of his hand. It felt safe, warm, and you never wanted to let go. It almost made the pain from the slight sting of the air hitting your wound near non existent. Negan squeezes your hand tightly as you continued to even your breathing. 

“Angel.” Negan’s voice broke through to you, making you flinch slightly. “I need both of my hands to do this. I’m gonna have to let go, okay?” 

Even though you didn’t want to, you nodded in affirmation. You clenched your fists instead, gritting your teeth together as the warm and most likely soapy towel was placed onto your wound. You could tell how careful Negan was being as to not hurt you, and you were extremely thankful. 

Negan gently cleaned around your stitches for a few minutes, making sure to take his time and not cause you any unnecessary pain. You heard the soft thump of the towel being tossed somewhere. Negan then gently placed a bandage over your wound, using enough medical tape to hold it in place but not even to rip your skin off.

Once your shirt was pulled back down, you sighed in relief and rubbed your sweaty palms together. You were very glad that you had toughened up and asked Negan for help. You could just picture the discomfort and anger if you had done it yourself. 

“Thank you.” You said quietly, breaking through the silence. 

A warm hand on your cheek took your completely off guard. Negan’s hand laid still on your face as you felt him press a quick and gentle kiss on your forehead. Once he pulled away, you shivered openly and inhaled audibly. 

“Anything for my angel.” Negan responded sweetly, completely out of his normal demeanor, but you weren’t about to complain. 

_“Now, let’s go get this fucker.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Fan_reader, Dreamelilly018, TiB0n3s, Hellafiction, NotIrey, ElviraSilver, Madnolia, Krystalwinds_FanficAddiction, Kali_Mav, Desolate_noir, Schaf, sreid045, zozozo, theworldisugly22, NotNatural019, allebiouqruop, ScarletConductor, writehavoc, RoyalSinner, salice89, Havenlyfics, Xeyris, thesolowolf, SevenRuby, MultiFandomedFreak123, Beanzjellly, jasoncrouse, ngome055 and all of the guests who left Kudos!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit Language
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but it sets up for the next chapter which is going to be awesome!

The humble rumbling of the engine filled your ears as the slight shake of the truck wobbled you from side to side. You had left the Sanctuary only about 15 minutes prior. Simon, Laura, and about three others had joined you and Negan on your scavenger hunt. You were riding in the passenger seat of the truck that Negan was currently driving, while the other five were crammed into a smaller car that was following close behind you. 

The only people that knew about what Jack had done and the real reason for the trip was you, Negan, and the five other that were currently with you. Although, Negan had made it quite vague when explaining what Jack had exactly done to you, and you were grateful. 

Jesse and Marie, your two best friends, had no idea what had really happened with Jack either. You hadn’t even said goodbye to them before you had left, but you simply couldn’t. You didn’t want to face them and lie about where you were going, because you had a gut feeling that you would’ve broken down if you had tried. You made a mental note to give them both the biggest bear hug ever when you returned. 

As the minutes slowly rolled by, Negan sighing and Simon’s voice occasionally coming over the walkie talkie, you began to lose hope. You were starting to realize what a foolish plan it had been. Nobody had any idea where Jack had run off to, not even a general direction. The only thing anybody knew about his disappearance was that he had stolen food, weapons, and ammo. 

You knew from the beginning that Negan going out to look for him alone was Jack’s plan all along. So you were relieved that you were able to be with Negan and have others for backup as well. You didn’t want anybody to get hurt, but you didn’t know what would happen. You figured that seven people searching for Jack would be a hell of a lot better than one. 

“Negan?” You mumbled his name in question, hearing him hum in response. You could hear his annoyance through the one small noise. 

“How are we even supposed to find him?” You questioned, rubbing your temple in frustration. “Nobody knows which direction he went. I don’t know how—“

A sudden thought, an overwhelming one, felt like it exploded in your mind. It came out of nowhere and hit you like a truck. You weren’t sure if someone had put the thought into your head —perhaps your mom— but you were definitely going to act on it. It was the only logical idea you had so far, so you figured it was worth a shot. 

“You alright, angel?” Negan’s concerned voice broke through to you.

“Yeah.” You responded quickly. “Can you turn the walkie on?” 

Once you heard the piercing static, you spoke. “Simon?” 

A few seconds passed. “Yeah? Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, fine.” You mumbled, trying to get right to the point. “Where is the store that Jack and I went into on that run?” 

It was silent for a minute and you knew that everyone was coming to the realization of what you were implying. After another minute passed, you sighed in frustration. You really hoped that Simon remembered where that store was. It was the only thing you had to work off of and you’d be damned if you didn’t try. 

“Turn right at this road up here. It’s about six miles east.” Simon’s voice finally broke through the static. 

“You think that’s where he went?” Negan asked you, his tone laced with curiosity. 

In all honesty, you had absolutely no idea. It was a twisted thing for Jack to run off and lure Negan and possibly you back to the place where he had almost killed you. Although, Jack had proved to be a twisted person, so you weren’t about to put the idea past him. You just hoped that your spontaneous idea would lead you somewhere. 

“I don’t know.” You responded with a small sigh. “But it’s worth a shot.”

* * *

Your stomach felt like it would fall out of your body as you felt the truck come to a stop. The engine became quiet allowing you to hear the doors of the other car being opened and slammed shut. You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you were terrified. Of what? You weren’t sure. It was either that Jack would be in there or that he wouldn’t be. 

You were about to push open the passenger door and climb out when you felt Negan’s rough hand on top of yours. It almost immediately put you at ease, but there was still a lingering fear inside of you. You didn’t want him to get hurt. You didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of you. 

A devilish thought that this whole thing happened because of you encompassed your mind. You had almost forgot that Jack’s main premise was to kill Negan. He tried to do that through you. If Negan coming out here to find Jack because of you would get him killed, you didn’t think that you could live with yourself. You didn’t want him to die because of you just as much as you didn’t want to lose him. 

“What if he’s not in there?” You asked, gripping his hand a little tighter. 

“Then we keep looking.” Negan replied nonchalantly. 

“And what if he is?” You let a few seconds pass before asking. 

You could tell that Negan was about to answer you when a shrill scream suddenly cut through your conversation. It sounded an awful lot like a child to you, and you felt your heart drop. Did Jack hurt this child? Who was it? What was happening? 

“What the fuck?” Negan exclaimed, clearly as thrown off guard as you were. “Stay here, angel.” The drivers door opened and then slammed shut. 

There was no way you were going to stay in the truck. So, without hesitation, you whipped open the door and left down, slamming it shut behind you. You heard the child’s cries getting closer, now mixed with a different voice that sounded equally as panicked. 

“Please, please help.” A woman’s distraught voice pierced through you. “He has my wife and my son. He’s only a baby. Please.” 

“Did he say what his name was?” Simon’s voice broke through the woman’s desperate cries. 

“I think.. Jack.” She responded, and you heard the people around you immediately spring into action. 

You didn’t want to leave these poor souls by themselves, so you stepped forward to where you thought they were. You couldn’t imagine how she felt, her wife and baby in danger with no way to get to or help them. You hoped that Jack hadn’t hurt them, it would just another disgusting and sinful thing to add to his list. 

“What’s your sons name?” You asked curiously, hoping to put the woman to ease, although it was highly unlikely. 

“Michael.” She sniffled, her voice coming out as a sob. 

“Will you please get my mommy and brother back?” A sweet and timid voice asked you, making your heart swell. 

You crouched down to where the little girls voice came from. “I’ll get your mom and brother back, I promise. What’s your name?” 

“Isabelle.” She replied softly, sniffling timidly. 

“Nice to meet you, Isabelle. I promise you’ll see your mom and brother soon.” You told her, hoping that the poor little girl would find any comfort in your words. 

“I’m Kacey. My wife is Jenna.” The woman, Kacey, introduced. You nodded and stood back up to her level. 

“I’ll be right back. Stay here. Get in the truck or the car if you need to.” You relayed to the mother and daughter before turning around and heading towards the store. 

Hurriedly, you slammed open the door and were met with utter silence. You were expecting a loud riot, but the silence scared you even more. You held your breath as the door closed swiftly behind you. You listened closely and heard heavy breathing, which meant that somebody was in there. It just wasn’t clear who. 

You slowly strolled through the store and by shelves when you heard a small chuckle. It was familiar and you knew exactly who it was. You felt your blood begin to boil as your hands clenched into fists. Turning towards the source of the sound, you exhaled a large breath. 

“It’s about time, sweetheart.” Jack’s voice tantalized you, overwhelming you with disgust. 

“Now. Don’t mean to be a douchebag and all, but you’re blind. So let me describe to you what’s happening right now.” Jack continued, his voice laced with a mischievous tone. “To my left, I have a wonderful young woman and a sweet little baby taking a nap. I’d hate to disturb him. To my right, I have yours truly, with a colt pointed right to the side of his skull.” 

Negan. A shiver of fear rushed through you. You had already failed. Jack now had Negan in his grasp, and he was inches away from getting what he wanted and killing him. Throw an innocent woman and a baby into the mix and you had yourself the worst conundrum you had ever been in before. 

“Fuck you.” Negan’s voice barked out in response to Jack. You heard a humble click of metal and assumed Jack had shoved the gun further to his head.

“Soooo angel...” Jack continued on tauntingly.

_“What are you gonna do now?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Soulily, Linkskingsolomon, Crossroad_Cas, PrincessProngslette, Samiris, Trilogys, SirlsPlayland, MariaAreno, RebeccaWinchester, Fan_reader, Dreamelilly018, TiB0n3s, Hellafiction, NotIrey, ElviraSilver, Madnolia, Krystalwinds_FanficAddiction, Kali_Mav, Desolate_noir, Schaf, sreid045, zozozo, theworldisugly22, NotNatural019, allebiouqruop, ScarletConductor, writehavoc, RoyalSinner, salice89, Havenlyfics, Xeyris, thesolowolf, SevenRuby, MultiFandomedFreak123, Beanzjellly, jasoncrouse, ngome055 and all of the guests who left Kudos!


End file.
